Codie Sanchez: Lessons on Money, Marriage, & Freedom that Schools Failed to Teach Us

[00:00:00] There's an assault on excellence in the world around us. The most rebellious thing that you can do is to be excellent.

[00:00:10] If your ideas and beliefs align completely with one side or the other, then you're just not a critical thinker.

[00:00:18] And most people are willing to write down their goals, but they're not willing to write down the sacrifices they will make to hit those goals.

[00:00:24] And that's the real difference between those who have and those who don't.

[00:00:31] Cody Sanchez, founder and CEO of Contrarian Thinking, which is a media business that does 100 million monthly views.

[00:00:38] You're also founder of Contrarian Thinking Capital, which is a holding company and you buy what you like to call boring businesses.

[00:00:48] Yep.

[00:00:49] Okay. I want to go back to holding company because I don't think most people know what that is.

[00:00:53] Yeah, but probably don't.

[00:00:55] The capital fund has two different sides, venture capital, which is Silicon Valley.

[00:00:59] Right? Fancy startup, gonna raise millions of dollars, hopefully give Elon Musk a run for its money.

[00:01:06] We have that side of the business.

[00:01:08] The other side that most people probably don't think about is more like in my wildest dreams, Berkshire Hathaway, Warren Buffett.

[00:01:14] Right? So we own a bunch of these small, what I call boring businesses.

[00:01:17] Those are everyday businesses, landscaping, roofing, plumbing companies.

[00:01:23] And we hold them together in one entity and we try to have those businesses have different things that allow them to scale at the same time.

[00:01:31] And so this thing over here to the right, this holding company, something I'm doing for a Piasch like 15, 16 years now, just buying all of these businesses, growing them and then eventually exiting them in one shape or form.

[00:01:42] And it's basically a fancy way of saying private equity and the holding company has gotten sexy as of late.

[00:01:48] But that's really from just a bunch of young people who don't realize that markets go through cycles like this.

[00:01:53] We used to have holding company was like the way, that was like Rockefeller back in the day.

[00:01:58] And the titans of industry they all had holding companies.

[00:02:01] And then we created something called private equity funds which is where banks funded it as opposed to individual capital.

[00:02:08] And then we went to mutual funds, which means many people funded as opposed to only private capital funds it.

[00:02:14] And then now today it's a mixture between private equity being cool again and holding companies being cool again.

[00:02:20] But I imagine in the next couple decades it'll change your thing is that you encourage people to buy existing boring businesses over starting their own.

[00:02:28] Yeah. Why is that better?

[00:02:30] Well, I think there's three types of people in this world. There's owners, renters, and squatters.

[00:02:34] And most people in this world I call squatters. And what does that mean? It means that you have a job that you think you have some control over but you actually don't where you are completely replaceable.

[00:02:45] And that may be that you are a contractor or you're an actual employee, but you have no control of the outcome.

[00:02:51] Most people in this world are squatters whether they realize it or not.

[00:02:54] The next level is renters and that's where you work for a company but you're kind of like a one-year leasey.

[00:02:59] You're like a one-year renter where you're a little bit harder to replace, but not that hard to replace.

[00:03:04] And then the few are owners and by that I don't mean you actually have to own the company but you need to be hard to replace.

[00:03:10] You need to have skin in the game. You need to have compensation that's aligned to if I do X action and earn the company more I make X more dollars.

[00:03:18] And most people when they hear this, they think well I can't buy a business. I'm not big enough. I can't actually execute on that idea.

[00:03:28] But my whole point is if you don't know which one of the three you are, you're probably a squatter at worst, a renter at best.

[00:03:36] But the goal is we get more people to understand how to get skin in the game and equity.

[00:03:41] And that might be buying a company, it might be negotiating a revenue share, it might be negotiating a profit share.

[00:03:46] But this world of acquisition used to just be for the super rich and I think every single human has the ability to own some part of the thing they spend their lives building.

[00:03:57] And that's our mission.

[00:03:59] Okay, so part of that is deal making right?

[00:04:02] And so an example of this would be someone going to their boss at a startup and saying hey I want to devote my life to doing this.

[00:04:12] I put X amount of hours can I get XYZ?

[00:04:16] So what's a good way to do that because most people don't even know how to have that conversation.

[00:04:23] And then another thing that I like that you talk about is we also don't know the terminology.

[00:04:27] Like there's a lot of words that nobody teaches us and because we don't learn just those words and what they mean, all of this sounds like a foreign language and it seems like it's much easier to just get a job.

[00:04:39] 100% or hop around from job to job.

[00:04:42] Right.

[00:04:43] The first thing that you want to do if you want to make more money and you want to negotiate for more money and skin in the game is you have to actually understand what are you worth?

[00:04:50] Most people have no idea how much value they bring to a company.

[00:04:53] They have no idea how much they cost versus how much revenue or value they bring into a company.

[00:05:00] So for a sales person it's pretty easy right?

[00:05:02] You're like well I bring in a million dollars in sales to the business and I make 200,000 dollars.

[00:05:08] So the average person goes well, the company makes 800,000 dollars a year on me.

[00:05:12] That's not actually true.

[00:05:14] There's something called margin which basically means maybe the company only makes 50 cents of every dollar you bring in.

[00:05:19] At which case they only make 500,000 dollars on you.

[00:05:23] And so there's 300,000 dollars that they take home and you take home 200,000 dollars of it.

[00:05:28] And so if you want to learn how to make more money you have to speak the language.

[00:05:32] And the way you speak the language is really easy.

[00:05:35] You start asking questions.

[00:05:36] How much do I bring in?

[00:05:37] How much value do I bring to the company?

[00:05:40] What is the margin of the business overall?

[00:05:42] What does my boss care about that they say is their KPI, their key performance indicator that will lead to them making more money?

[00:05:49] Because if the company is willing to pay them more money that must mean there's value to the company and I should try to figure out how to make my boss more money so that I can make more money too.

[00:05:58] And so it all starts with questioning you don't have to be a financial genius but start with figuring out how much money do actually make the place?

[00:06:04] How much value do you actually drive the place?

[00:06:07] And then how much money does the company make for every dollar that you bring in?

[00:06:11] And that's at least level one.

[00:06:13] Most people don't even, most people go 60-year careers without ever understanding that question which I think is a tragedy.

[00:06:19] Let's say you figure out how much you're worth than where do you go from there?

[00:06:23] Well then it's pretty easy I think.

[00:06:25] So well it's not easy.

[00:06:26] It's scary.

[00:06:28] Yeah.

[00:06:29] It's scary to go to your boss and ask for more money.

[00:06:31] Why?

[00:06:32] Because you can look really greedy.

[00:06:34] You can make somebody feel bad.

[00:06:36] You aren't used to it so just like anything else if you haven't done something before there's a belief that it might not work out and there could be downside.

[00:06:44] But I think there's a couple tricks to negotiation and one of your mentors is the G at this, Chris Boss.

[00:06:51] Yeah.

[00:06:52] But then so I actually read, I read his book what's the...

[00:06:56] Never split the difference.

[00:06:58] Great book, read it multiple times and listen to the audiobook because his intonation is so important.

[00:07:04] But if I was going to negotiate my salary and back when I did, I remember the first time I negotiated for equity and revenue in a business,

[00:07:12] it was really scared.

[00:07:13] And my boss was not a nice person.

[00:07:15] He was a very good boss but he was not nice.

[00:07:19] And so I knew if I just went in and said hey Boss I want to make more money, he'd be like get the fuck out of my office literally.

[00:07:25] That would be his response.

[00:07:26] And so I really thought about it and I was like alright you know what I'm going to do.

[00:07:29] I'm going to try to make him laugh.

[00:07:31] So worst case scenario he'll be like this little idiot.

[00:07:33] And best case scenario he might give it to me.

[00:07:36] And so I'm like alright how could I do this?

[00:07:38] And I remember I grabbed the cocktail napkin and I knew at that time how much money I brought into the company and I knew how much money the company roughly I thought made on that.

[00:07:48] But most importantly I knew what the goals were for myself and my team.

[00:07:53] And so I was like okay if I know these things then I know if I want to make 25% more money maybe I just bring in 25% more sales or I bring in 25% more of the goal that they ask for me.

[00:08:06] And so I brought in this little little napkin and on it I wrote out the number I wanted to make and then the goal that I was going to bring into the company.

[00:08:15] Now I don't remember looking at him and I was like Andy.

[00:08:18] I was like I think that anything worth building at some point or another probably started on a cocktail napkin right and he's like what sure.

[00:08:27] And I'm like so I wanted to keep this short and sweet because I know you don't have a lot of time but if on this cocktail napkin I wrote down how much money I want to make only if I beat the school here by 50%.

[00:08:42] Do you think there's a world in which if I beat this goal by 50% I could make something about like this amount of money and I slid it across the table to him.

[00:08:49] And he just kind of looked at me like why is there a cocktail napkin here?

[00:08:52] Like what are we doing in this conversation and I think the interesting part about that is he wasn't focused at all on my ask.

[00:08:58] He was like kind of confused so I sort of threw him off his game. He sort of last like cocktail napkin I was like I don't know I was nervous to have this conversation, I didn't know how else to do it.

[00:09:05] And he's like well yeah if you hit this goal by 50% and you want to earn this dollar amount like that's doable but I'm not going to pay you unless you do that thing.

[00:09:14] And I was like okay that seems reasonable and I left.

[00:09:16] And so ever since that moment I've realized that it never really has to be that difficult and if you try just 10% more than most people you'll be 90% more successful because most people will never have the conversation.

[00:09:28] Wow and those are crazy stats just 10% more.

[00:09:31] Yeah I mean we were talking about it we're in an office building right now there's 32 floors here.

[00:09:35] I walk in the door it's Friday morning-ish and I'm like God this place is empty what's going on?

[00:09:41] Did they just build this thing? I asked security guard I'm like quiet around here right and he's like oh yeah it's Friday.

[00:09:46] I'm like how many people do you think of this building every Friday? He's like 100?

[00:09:49] Like there's 32 floors and there's a hundred people in this building? He's like yeah crazy huh?

[00:09:54] I'm like yes and isn't that amazing because what does that mean? That 90 this building I mean that's not even 90%.

[00:10:00] That means 1% of this building is here five days a week.

[00:10:04] If you can beat the whole 99% of the people in this building just by being here one more Friday than everybody else you probably win more often.

[00:10:14] And that's what I think people don't realize is that most people aren't trying so you can win.

[00:10:17] Yeah no that's true.

[00:10:19] Another thing that you talk about a lot and I've seen you tweet about this is you're going to get screwed.

[00:10:25] Someone's going to screw you and I've had it happen to me I know you've had it happen to you.

[00:10:30] What do people need to look out for and then how do they deal with getting screwed?

[00:10:36] My dad had a great line which was you're not really in business until you've gotten your first lawsuit.

[00:10:41] And sadly our world is really litigious meaning everybody's suing everybody all the time.

[00:10:47] And so I think you have to look yourself in the mirror and realize that you will never achieve anything great until you have people hate on you, screw you and sue you.

[00:10:58] And until you've had those three you're probably not doing anything big enough.

[00:11:01] And so I sort of almost think about it like a notch on the bedpost like oh somebody gave me some hate on the internet must be doing something right.

[00:11:08] Somebody tried to screw me in a business deal that means I'm doing a deal big enough for somebody to care must be doing something right.

[00:11:14] And somebody tried to sue me because I have enough cash for them to feel like there's something to come after I must be doing something right.

[00:11:20] And instead of seeing all of those negatives as this terrible thing that's happened in me pour me I'm a victim everybody's awful.

[00:11:25] I'm like you know what this just means that I'm worth coming after and so a reframe of negative to hey I'm on a sign of positive trajectory can really change the natural things that are going to happen in life.

[00:11:38] Just like taxes, just like death you're going to get screwed.

[00:11:42] Yeah I really like that perspective shift.

[00:11:45] Yeah.

[00:11:46] I want to talk a little bit about what to do when you do start getting hate because the second, the second you start having any sort of traction on social media or anywhere you just inevitably do get hate

[00:11:59] and we get hate in different ways women get attacked a lot on looks and you know stupid things like that but there's more.

[00:12:08] After getting to where you are because I consider you pretty successful thanks yeah I mean so after getting to where you are and obviously receiving tons of hate tons of praise but also it comes with that.

[00:12:24] Is there any way that you feel misunderstood that you're like you know I see I see this there's like a pattern of like this sort of commentary

[00:12:33] and I really wish people would know that that's actually not true and and people are just making this up or they're you know they're assuming this about me or my friends or whoever because you're also you're in a circle with tons of people who receive hate as well because they they're doing well.

[00:12:50] Yeah well I think that you should realize that if you are throwing hate on success or wealth you'll never have it.

[00:13:00] And so every time I see somebody heckling or throwing out hateful comments I just realize that I am living rent free in their brain and I get a little chuckle out of that.

[00:13:14] And the second part about it I think that I maybe feel misunderstood about is often on the internet now people assume that if you are creating content and you are out there publicly that you are a content creator

[00:13:26] and I find some fun in that but if I really think about what I do at the end of the day I buy and I build businesses and my entire focus for the last 15 years has been doing those two things.

[00:13:38] And so I think people will try to minimize you as you pass them and they'll turn you into the thing that they think is the least portion of who you are.

[00:13:47] So if they're like wow you are so successful now and you know you're making all this money and let's say you're good looking or if they talk about Nicole they're going to be like well yeah her podcast is bigger than mine now.

[00:14:00] Her social media is bigger than mine now she's hanging out with all these cool people everywhere well you know probably couldn't do any of that if she wasn't hot.

[00:14:08] And you're just going to get that kind of commentary because they're going to try to minimize the thing that they think could be most painful to you.

[00:14:15] I sort of recognize that I remember this one time I got a tweet at me that was funny it was like some guy posted like Cody Sanchez is just the grant cardown of small business and it bothered me and I don't know grant so nothing against that but what bothered me was the insinuation that you know there was some sort of grifty and going on or somebody was like taking advantage of people and that I was that person.

[00:14:39] And I remember my reaction was very not mature at the time this is like early in my my little journey and I looked it looked up the guy and I saw like oh you know flicks it fixes and flips real estate houses and it said he owned like three and you know whatever and so I wrote some shitty little comment like you know.

[00:14:56] I hope you own more real estate than I do in your head but if not boy do I have a course to sell you.

[00:15:04] And I got some sort of joy out of it and then I thought about it I'm like fuck you know what that guy's probably like out there just doing his best and for some reason I triggered him that day because he was struggling and I posted about a business that was succeeded and the only way he could feel better about him is that he could pull somebody else down and he could say it wasn't his fault it was my fault.

[00:15:26] And so I sort of have this empathy gene now for the people who do this because I just think man you're never going to make it wake up like this is so sad for you not me because I don't really care.

[00:15:36] And at the end of the day every piece of hate that you give me is just another view in my ecosystem and so sometimes your biggest trolls end up being your biggest megaphone's.

[00:15:47] So I think that's a big deal.

[00:15:49] And so I think that's a big deal.

[00:15:51] I think that's a big deal.

[00:15:53] I think that's a big deal.

[00:15:55] I think that's a big deal.

[00:15:57] I think that's a big deal.

[00:15:59] I think that's a big deal.

[00:16:01] I think that's a big deal.

[00:16:03] I think that's a big deal.

[00:16:05] I think that's a big deal.

[00:16:07] I think that's a big deal.

[00:16:09] I think that's a big deal.

[00:16:11] Let's talk about that because I think, and I said this earlier to you, but it is that women are being told that their youth and their beauty is the most important thing about them.

[00:16:24] And they need to be married and have children by a certain age.

[00:16:27] And if they don't, life is over.

[00:16:30] No, that's literally the message.

[00:16:34] And then you see it in politics when people are talking about it.

[00:16:37] You know what I mean?

[00:16:38] And of course, you have the boss babe thing that Sophia Amaruso coined.

[00:16:43] And she didn't even mean for it to turn into that.

[00:16:46] But it became this like cringey.

[00:16:48] Oh, you expect women to do everything or you're turning them into boss babes who will never get married and never have children and never have families.

[00:16:55] And it's like a point of contention now.

[00:16:58] Yeah.

[00:16:59] Which is crazy.

[00:17:00] Yeah. You know, I think the next movement is going to be humans realizing that having a partner that is more equal than not is actually a good thing.

[00:17:12] And if you think about that statement, that's not fucking crazy.

[00:17:16] That's actually pretty reasonable to say.

[00:17:18] And my husband and I have been married for three years and we've been together for six and we've known each other for 25 or 26 years.

[00:17:26] And when I asked him, you know, former Navy SEAL could get any girl that he wanted.

[00:17:31] You know, 37 pack, running around.

[00:17:34] Speak six languages.

[00:17:36] Just great dude.

[00:17:37] Jada looks like he, you know, eats nuts for living.

[00:17:40] Like just wild.

[00:17:41] And when I was like, you know, why do you think that you want to be with me?

[00:17:49] Like what was the attraction?

[00:17:52] And his entire thing was, you know, I wanted a partner that I can go to battle with every day.

[00:17:58] I want somebody who's going to be on my same level that I can go to battle with and it doesn't mean that we have to choose the same battlefield all the time.

[00:18:05] But I want to feel like that there is a human right beside me who can go together.

[00:18:08] And I remember right before he went on his first deployment, we had just kind of reconnected and started dating.

[00:18:15] And he was prepared for me to say, I'll see you after deployment, which is what a lot of women do.

[00:18:20] Like, oh great, this has been fun, Navy SEAL, wonderful and I'll see you when you get back.

[00:18:25] But in the next seven or eight months, I'm going to go live my life.

[00:18:28] Like, I'm not going to wait around for you.

[00:18:29] And I remember he like had this little sad puppy dog look on his face and he's like, so, you know, I leave and I'm deploying to the time I rack.

[00:18:36] And, you know, in a couple weeks, and, you know, what do you want to do?

[00:18:41] And I was like, well, like, what does that look like? Like, do I send you packages?

[00:18:45] How often can you talk? What's the time difference? Like, what are we doing here?

[00:18:48] And I was like, but we're doing this. Like, why would that change if I wanted to spend the next 60 years of my life with somebody,

[00:18:53] I'm not going to let six or eight months get in the way.

[00:18:55] And I remember he was like, I was not prepared for that.

[00:18:58] And so I think this world of like high value men want virgin women that wear sunglasses have babies all day run around barefoot

[00:19:06] and wait on them hand in foot is a reaction to the girl boss movement, which was like, fuck men, I don't need one.

[00:19:13] I'll do whatever I want, you know, me too.

[00:19:17] And in reality, the reality is that it's just in between.

[00:19:22] And the in between is we should all find partners who are strong.

[00:19:26] And I think it was Jeff Bezos, which is funny now given what happened in his marriage.

[00:19:30] But it was Jeff Bezos at summit a billion years ago.

[00:19:33] He was speaking and he was talking about his wife.

[00:19:35] And his kid had had an issue where it was plain with a knife and almost cut off one of his fingers.

[00:19:46] And Jeff was like, oh, I got this happened. And Mackenzie, I guess, was like, well, I'd rather have a kid with nine fingers and common sense than a kid with no common sense.

[00:19:57] And I remember listening to that and thinking, you know what? Yeah. I want a husband that could get me out of a third world prison.

[00:20:03] And I want to be the wife that would get him out too.

[00:20:05] And like, that's the type of relationship I'm looking for.

[00:20:07] And so we got to figure out what the next movement is for men and women but it's probably hand in hand.

[00:20:11] It's probably not fucking alpha and rotate.

[00:20:13] And it's probably not girl boss boss babe nonsense.

[00:20:17] The ironic thing about and rotate, for example, is he talks about finding a woman who's this and not an innocent

[00:20:25] and has slept with too many guys or whatever but he's not even married.

[00:20:30] So who are you taking advice from? That's what I'm thinking.

[00:20:34] The other thing is, you see from both sides in politics on the liberal side, it's like go be a girl boss.

[00:20:45] We need to break the glass ceiling. And then on the other side you have no we need to go back to traditional values.

[00:20:51] And you know, we need to be in sunglasses and be more feminine and relaxed.

[00:20:56] And then there's tons of people selling content courses, how to be more feminine, how to be a high value masculine man.

[00:21:04] When the reality is it's not a one size fits all thing.

[00:21:08] You're not going to look at the gender roles and be like okay I'm going to do all these things as a woman or all these things as a man.

[00:21:17] In any relationship it literally is compromise decision made you have a whole framework for this.

[00:21:23] The team framework I've seen it. What is it?

[00:21:27] Yeah well, I think you should work on your business hard but you should work on your partnership harder because at the end of the day the average American stays at their job or business for three to five years.

[00:21:39] And we hope the average marriage lasts a lot longer than that. And yet we spend so much time on business and other things and very little time on our relationship.

[00:21:47] And so my husband and I made a concerted effort to say we're going to work on our marriage just like we would a business.

[00:21:53] We're going to give it love and attention because where your energy goes is where your attention flows.

[00:21:57] And so we did this thing where you know your world today is very busy right there's so many things coming in and buying for your attention.

[00:22:06] And in work you have that scheduled work gets scheduled relationships do not get scheduled.

[00:22:13] And so each day we started a team framework based on one of our friends who's a therapist brandy.

[00:22:19] And basically at the end of the day we sit together it can be very short three to five minutes or it can be longer and it's called team.

[00:22:25] And it basically starts like this you sit next to your significant other and you touch.

[00:22:30] You know usually we're sitting next to each other my legs will be on hand will be holding hands will be chatting over the last of wine but physical touch to remember you're not roommates, your partners.

[00:22:38] Yeah.

[00:22:39] And the second will be education and that means sharing something from your day so a lot of people get a rut where it's like hey honey how's your day great hey honey how's your day great.

[00:22:47] And you put about as much attention to the conversation with your spouse as you would a check in person at the airport.

[00:22:54] And so no wonder you think your spouse isn't interested anymore because you're not sharing anything interesting with them and you're not also asking them any interesting questions.

[00:23:02] And so we ask each other an interesting question we share one thing so I'll say what did I learn today?

[00:23:07] Well I sat with Nicole and I realized that there's something wrong with how we're looking at relationships today and here's why and I would explain the framework.

[00:23:15] And we might have a chat about that but we'd keep it short he would do the same thing and we'd get inspired by one another because we teach one another.

[00:23:21] And then the third step is appreciation so it would be one thing that you appreciate about your spouse so on a day that's tough that might be like thank you for taking out the trash.

[00:23:31] But you're sincere and you don't get to repeat the same thing every single day.

[00:23:35] And then lastly is metrics and metrics can be the hard part but what happens usually in relationships is you nitpick.

[00:23:42] I mean how many people have ever been in the same fight 472 times in a relationship?

[00:23:46] So many.

[00:23:47] Everybody because you're stuck in your trigger until you can unlock it until you release your trigger it's continually stuck firing.

[00:23:53] And so usually you'll just bitch at the other person all day back and forth in some sort of way whether that's passive aggressive or fighting.

[00:24:00] And so instead we share that day the things that annoyed us about the other and it turns out if you do that every single day it's sort of like a tea kettle that instead of letting the tea kettle boil and boil and boil until you hear them.

[00:24:14] In this case you're letting it off your turning down the heat every single day until it's just a nice little sexy summer.

[00:24:20] And so at the end of the day will be like you know I'll be like Chris you know you left your pants on the ground again I really don't like when you do that would you mind picking that up today and he's like oh yes sorry.

[00:24:29] And you do it in a moment where you're not triggered and thus you don't get elevated.

[00:24:33] And that little practice of three to ten minutes a day has helped us really stay present or the things that matter and ensure that we are doing a little check in for our marriage.

[00:24:42] I love it. And by the way I've seen it go viral so many times I've seen like other accounts post the framework it's amazing.

[00:24:49] Let's go let's go back to how you met but also before we get there you you've been divorced and you've been the good girl the good little girl as you like to call it.

[00:25:01] I think we all have want to be that because we're taught to be that and I do also think that it destroys us a little bit because we want to be good.

[00:25:11] We want to be liked we don't want to cause any you know rocking of the boat whatever the boat is whether it's like your family what religion tells you to do but you've been that girl and it didn't work for you.

[00:25:25] And then you realize this and stuff and now you have the life you have now so what happened what were them what was the mindset that you went into that marriage with and then once it was over.

[00:25:36] How did you get into the relationship you're in now at some point you realize that you're asking something so irrational from your mind that when you say it out loud it sounds crazy which is you're saying mind here's what I want you to do.

[00:25:52] I want everyone to like me I want nobody to talk about me I want to not be sad I want to not be anxious I want to achieve all my goals I want you to not have that negative voice in the back of my mind we are asking something so irrational of our minds and at some point your mind doesn't have the opportunity to say no your mind just says okay boss I'm going to go try to do it and so we spin up this little anxious monkey inside of ourselves that's running around trying to fulfill something completely unreasonable.

[00:26:19] And at some point I realize that's what I was doing you know at the time when I was married and it was no no shame on him you know it takes two to tango in every marriage and we went into that marriage both with the understanding that we would this was forever that was the idea and so it's not something I take lightly and but what I realized is man I was having my brain spin this idea of all the things that were supposed to happen in life.

[00:26:49] And I was building somebody else's house I was letting somebody else be the architect and it was it was my parents it was there's a little literal white picket fence around it you know we have this beautiful house we had the country clubs in the cars etc and at some point I realized man if I continue to forward look into my future there is no part of that future that I see myself in.

[00:27:10] And that scared me and so we tried to work through it but at some point we wanted two very different things and now for all that I've heard the guys thrilled married kids white picket fence the whole thing that he wanted with somebody else.

[00:27:25] But I was just not his right person and I think right now a lot of what happens in life is you try to be the good little girl based on societal expectations and the story you're telling yourself in your brain.

[00:27:36] And then one day you wake up and you realize that you've never actually asked yourself what do you want.

[00:27:41] And that is probably why we have a high divorce rate today because we go in early we realize oh my gosh my 24 year old Disney character type person is not my 35 year old person and now I have married a person that my 35 year old is not that interested.

[00:28:00] And so I think we need to give ourselves a little bit more love on it but if I went back and did anything different it would be the opposite of what you know people are telling you which is you get to be married for the rest of your life it's cool to not rush into it.

[00:28:12] You're fine there's going to be as long as you are working on yourself better in society and growing with a growth mindset there will be other people that will be attracted to you.

[00:28:21] And so that is perfectly okay and I wish young Cody knew that because she thought this guy's great he's handsome I make a money he makes money we're good together we must get married because that's a natural fit.

[00:28:35] And it should be a little deeper than that yeah so how is your relationship now different and also you met at a music festival which music festival yeah first of all.

[00:28:46] And also like what you know what were the vibes what how did you know well this was unique because we went to high school together Chris and I because we've no one for we've known each other for decades.

[00:28:57] And we were friends in high school and then I went off you know built businesses got married got divorced he went off went to the Naval Academy became an every seal went to war.

[00:29:08] And and after I got a divorce you know I went back to my roots a little bit and I was actually with my dad and my dad was good friends with Chris at the time my husband they're both hunters and so they were out hunting and I thought that was really nice of Chris to take my dad out so many times and so I actually I slid into his DMs and I don't think at the time I was doing it with the idea of making moves I think I was genuinely like thanks for doing that with my dad that's really cool I appreciate that.

[00:29:37] And and I started engaging with him and actually was funny because I remember back in the day when I went into his DMs I must have been I think I was a journalist then now it was after finance maybe I was just becoming public on the internet.

[00:29:51] And starting to do a few things on the internet and he and I was like tell me like Navy seal how that happened like what's changed since I knew you a billion years ago and he was like you know I'm happy to tell you but like not if this is going to be you know written on the internet somewhere

[00:30:05] and I was like easy bro like you're not that interested you know I was like take it easy.

[00:30:12] And and from there we started a conversation long long distance I was living in Chile at the time and he was in the Middle East

[00:30:20] and then we reconnected but you know what I realized from that reconnection if I was to go back and look for a human now if Chris didn't exist

[00:30:29] how would I decide who are you supposed to be with when you look at your core values of the things you want out of life

[00:30:37] I think you should lead with those when you go to find your partner and it's do you want to build an empire do you want to grow and travel

[00:30:46] you know do you care about this type of society existing those big overarching morals and values or what Chris and I line on.

[00:30:55] So even if during the day he wants to have a different experience that I want to have we have this vision that's so big that all the tiny knows cannot take down

[00:31:05] and that stemmed from the fact fact that we actually came from a very similar background.

[00:31:10] We came both from Arizona we both came from families who were into being out in the woods and you know hunting and building businesses

[00:31:18] our fathers were both entrepreneurs we both came from some sort of hardships you know I built a bunch of businesses I had gone through divorce he had gone to war totally different but and so

[00:31:28] gosh I wish I had gone back and looked for that and nobody told me that that's what I should look for that I should look for a human who had the same ethics and values that I do because ethics and values trump everything else.

[00:31:37] They do trump everything else even in your friendships it's very hard to be close friends with someone that has different values so why would that be different

[00:31:44] yeah for the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Yeah but think how seldom we ask that of our friends like how often you're like I'll say for me like when I go and meet somebody I'm like oh they're cool

[00:31:54] they're interesting I had a great experience with them they seem fun but if I think about it I should go into a level deeper which is what do you stand for

[00:32:02] like when nobody's watching what do you do what kind of human are you because when you ask those questions everything else can fall into place

[00:32:09] but usually we don't lead with that we lead with convenience and we leave what lead with proximity who are closest to us and who are easiest to be around in one shape or form.

[00:32:19] Yeah well see when I change that everything changed for me all the good stuff started coming when I started befriending my heroes

[00:32:26] getting you know getting them to be my mentors that includes that includes Chris Voss that includes Naval even you I approached you if you remember correctly.

[00:32:35] You know what I mean and so for me it's like I never think of those things I'm like I'm like okay I look at Cody I walked up to you you are really happy and really nice there are some people who are public figures that I've walked up to

[00:32:49] and it's like I'm it changes the experience you're like this is not the person that's on camera this is a different person I'm no longer down you know what I mean but

[00:33:00] you know I was with my friends when I met you to and they had lovely experiences with you they really enjoyed talking to you they be friend of you

[00:33:07] and I saw that and I was like no she's cool I was like she's not just successful she's cool and then I also like the like you know I'm going to bully you into working out and doing this and doing that

[00:33:17] and I'm just like I don't know great values all around so that's for me that changed everything because now suddenly my entire circle is all people that are crushing it

[00:33:27] and we can talk about that stuff and it's not it doesn't feel like I don't know like work to talk about it like you I remember Matt Stefanie

[00:33:35] coming to you and he's a very successful creator like he kills it and he's like well what do you think I should do about this

[00:33:42] and you're like hmm this is actually an exciting problem for me like you liked it and I was like no this grows the real deal who she says she is

[00:33:50] and what she is is the same thing and I saw that which I loved well it's interesting you bring that up because I told you there was a study that I wanted to talk about on this podcast

[00:34:00] I know for a fact that the gym run saying of you are the average of five people surround yourself with is true at least qualitatively

[00:34:09] it has been true in my life it's been true in your life right we up level every time we get in a room where we are the least intelligent

[00:34:15] where we speak the least and where others have far exceeded our activities and expectations that's how you steal other people's 10,000 hours

[00:34:23] is you actually touch them yeah get in rooms with them yeah and if you can't do that you listen to podcasts like this

[00:34:29] but there's this study that I found fascinating which is that it doesn't start at our age

[00:34:34] if you want to know the largest determinant of a child being rich or poor there's one thing and it's called economic connectedness

[00:34:43] and this was a study done on thousands of students in two cities one was a city in Minneapolis where rich kids and poor kids they engaged together a lot

[00:34:54] it was just intertwined and then there was another city in Minneapolis where rich kids and poor kids were segregated they did not engage very much

[00:35:02] and the difference in earnings between the kids who were economically connected and those who weren't was 33% by the time they were 35

[00:35:11] so on average they earned one third more if they touched other people who had wealth and means than if they didn't

[00:35:20] and what that makes me think about is we have to break down those barriers again and again between being around a bunch of people that have lives we don't want, that have health we don't want

[00:35:29] and that have values and ethics we don't want and we have to get in the rooms with the ones that do because it's not so much about how it's always about who

[00:35:37] that's so true you know it's funny you say that because growing up I came from like a middle class family that always had a little bit more than enough

[00:35:47] you know and there were times where my parents were killing it and times where they've gotten screwed I watched them go up and down

[00:35:54] but at the end of the day and when I was in my 20s I sort of looked back because they put me in like private Jewish schools with the wealthiest kids

[00:36:02] I mean these people's parents own like skyscrapers and marvel and this and that and I always felt a little less than because my parents weren't driving the same cars

[00:36:12] and we weren't going on the same vacation some years and now that I look back I'm like you know what I think the fact that I was around those kids I saw what was able to be done and how much success a person could have

[00:36:28] and I don't know if it's like a chip on my shoulder or what but the fact that this wasn't given to me by my parents made me go after it

[00:36:36] where like once I discovered you know again like the novels of the world and these people I'm like you know what okay maybe my dad

[00:36:45] maybe I don't have daddy's money which by the way my dad's a great dad I'm so grateful for him it's I don't I don't even care about that

[00:36:52] but maybe I didn't get money from daddy but I'm going to go befriend these people because they talk about financial freedom and wealth in a way

[00:37:01] that I can understand and learn from and I put myself around those people because I was raised with people that had extreme wealth

[00:37:10] whereas if I if I had gone to another school and I hadn't seen that maybe I would have just thought like oh I'm so lucky

[00:37:17] I'm so lucky and there's there's value in gratitude too but I just think I think I think you're successful if you have a healthy mix of gratitude

[00:37:28] and also wanting more oh yeah well a hundred percent I also think you you should ask for more chips on your shoulder than you should handouts

[00:37:38] because a chip on your shoulder is something that can fuel you continuously I think about it like a little power cell here

[00:37:46] it is something that can be your fuel a handout all that does is feed you for a minute and this can feed you for a lifetime

[00:37:54] so every time somebody gives me some reason put a chip on that shoulder I think about it as a little bit of a thank you

[00:38:01] because the truth is you can't be what you can't see and so you were around a bunch of wealth you saw it

[00:38:07] and then you watched those people and they ate a turkey sandwich just like you did and they shit just like you did

[00:38:13] and they did everything else just like you did but they happened to have lots more money than you did

[00:38:19] and when you see that you realize there's not much difference between those who are super rich and those who are not

[00:38:23] the one difference is what are you willing to do to get the things that you want and most people are willing to write down their goals

[00:38:31] but they're not willing to write down the sacrifices they will make to hit those goals and that's the real difference between those who have and those who don't

[00:38:37] now of course some people get it gifted to them but watch what happens to those who get it gifted to them

[00:38:44] it's one thing to get a company which is work gifted to you your gifted homework it's another thing to get trust and inheritance gifted to you

[00:38:52] and I've been around those people and you couldn't pay me enough money to take somebody else's trust as a kid

[00:38:59] I am so glad I had to earn money. Me too. Me too. Because it does make you more grateful for it

[00:39:05] and you're like shit I did that. Yeah like could you imagine I had all these kids in high school

[00:39:09] I was sort of the same as you. My parents were middle class but my mom was a 30 year special education teacher

[00:39:15] my dad was an entrepreneur many times over but didn't go to college and I had many kids in my class that got like BMWs or whatever the fancy car was at the time

[00:39:24] when I was in high school and I remember I didn't get a car right away and then I got a car that was like I thought it was rad

[00:39:30] but it was nothing like theirs. Yeah. And I remember the time thinking you know, I wish that's cool. Bren has this car, she's got an escalade

[00:39:37] like that's cool. And now that I look about it, that poor girl because she was gifted a $75,000 car on a 25, not even

[00:39:48] I mean how much $12 an hour probably ice cream gig that she had on the weekends back then

[00:39:52] she wouldn't be able to buy herself that car again for another 10 years

[00:39:57] and so anything that she earns herself for the next 10 years is less than the thing that she was given by her parents

[00:40:04] so how is she going to ever learn to value the earn when all she knows to value is the give

[00:40:10] and so I think it's a huge disservice to try to ask for handouts instead you should be asking give me a problem big enough to fix

[00:40:19] and the ability to solve it and that is a beautiful ask. That is a powerful question. Yeah. Cody if you're a parent

[00:40:28] which I feel like someday you will be. Yeah fingers crossed. How will you instill what values in your kids?

[00:40:36] Like what are the things that you know you want to pass on and how do you think you'll do it? Do you ever think about that?

[00:40:41] Oh yeah, Chris and I often we started a list a long time ago of the type of parents we want to be

[00:40:47] which will probably be humorous when we are parents and we have to throw it all out the window like they say you do

[00:40:52] but there are a couple things that are true. Things that are easy for me are like they're going to buy their first car I'm not you know

[00:40:58] things that are easy for me are if we're flying first class they're not going to be as kids.

[00:41:04] You know I want them to be able to earn those first luxurious things themselves and feel the pride of accomplishment

[00:41:13] because that is so much I mean I pity the people who rob and steal and griffed in order to get what they want out of life

[00:41:22] because they've never felt what it feels like to earn it. Fair and square despite all the odds despite all the chips to earn something

[00:41:30] there's no feeling quite like it and so we're going to do that as often as possible with our kids

[00:41:36] and the other thing I think we're going to hopefully try to do is instill in them the ability to build early you know

[00:41:43] we have a friend Tim Kennedy who runs a school in Austin called Apogee School. I wonder if I'm saying that right

[00:41:50] but basically it's a little bit like what Montessori used to be or the ideal of it which was let children build

[00:41:57] and create etc but not like go off the rails Montessori now is sort of like you want to finger pain all day go fuck and fuck off

[00:42:04] and end of that so it's got some some parameters around it but I think you know I hope our tutors for our kids are teaching them different ways to build businesses

[00:42:14] and different ways to build an impact as opposed to obsessing on their GPA scores and their SATs which is I know what my tutors taught me back in the day

[00:42:22] I could actually care less if my kids go to college. I hope that if they go to college they do it for the right reasons

[00:42:28] and not to check a box for somebody else's resume at a future date. Yeah it's funny I think about the college thing a lot

[00:42:34] and not just college curriculums in general and if I mean if I had it my way I would change it completely

[00:42:42] you know what I mean like I think about that a lot where it's like why didn't they teach us how to negotiate

[00:42:48] why didn't they teach us conflict resolution skills or emotional intimacy or how to properly bond with someone

[00:42:56] who taught us I had to I had to like learn that from books. Oh yeah you know what my my De Condria is

[00:43:02] which I'm sure really helps you today oh yeah yeah I do think you know my mom was a teacher for a long time right 30 years

[00:43:10] is a really long time and I feel for teachers because it's incredibly difficult for them to make much of a change at all

[00:43:18] when she left being a teacher in the public school system in Arizona it was largely because she said

[00:43:24] I was doing so much paperwork and you know administrative tasks I wasn't able to focus on the kids you know

[00:43:34] everything has second and third order effects and most people don't think about it they think this sounds good we should have a no child left behind policy

[00:43:42] like George Bush enacted because who wants a child left behind of course what kind of dick are you but the problem is when you pull back the curtain

[00:43:48] and you look underneath the hood you realize oh the things that politicians say that we should do actually do not make any sense for outcomes that we want

[00:43:58] and that's nine times out of 10 they do things that look good they don't do things that make real change or action that we want in society

[00:44:04] and so for her as a as a special education teacher she was like we're not helping these kids at all

[00:44:09] and so how can I keep quote on to quote teaching them if all I'm doing is checklisting them and there's a real difference between the two

[00:44:15] yeah no there is let's talk about politics for a second I saw that you did an entire episode with Vivek Ramaswami

[00:44:27] who's running for president you and Chris did it together you don't strike me as a political person like I don't know where you stand on the political spectrum

[00:44:39] frankly I don't give a fuck you know what I mean like I just don't the way I see politics on the internet so divisive

[00:44:49] so stupid so it when I see people on either side and I read a lot like imagine how many tweets I read to get like the trending on Twitter

[00:45:01] on the beyond page or like you know what I mean like you must read so much for years so I've seen it all

[00:45:07] and it's basically just people so outraged about the same topics abortion taxes welfare minimum wage all of these things

[00:45:21] and what I've seen from people on both sides is that they're so obsessed with a particular politician winning

[00:45:30] because they think that's going to change their lives yeah and what's interesting is I did I did enjoy watching the interview with you guys

[00:45:42] because you talked about things like autonomy and confidence and things like that but I was also like are she endorsing Vivek

[00:45:50] like I didn't know and by the way I don't care if you are or aren't yeah but what role do you think politics should play in people's lives

[00:45:59] because I did see you after that you you posted something and you're like you know it's important to know who you're voting for

[00:46:05] and a little bit about politics but I can't imagine that your entire day is spent like worrying about any politician

[00:46:12] I really tried there's a 10% rule we have which is 10% of the day were allowed to worry about things we can't control

[00:46:18] and 90% I try to worry about the things that my two hands can change yourself

[00:46:22] and if these two myths cannot make change then this head doesn't get to think on it

[00:46:26] and I fail at that often like most of us we're talking about a bunch of dumb drama that we follow when we know we shouldn't

[00:46:32] the internet is a rage machine that is literally created in order to steal our attention

[00:46:38] and because of that I find it's really important that those of us who have a world view for a world that we want to create

[00:46:46] do not allow the vacuum of nonsense that exists out there to continue

[00:46:50] and what does that mean? It means you have podcasts that are meaningful with people you agree with and don't agree with

[00:46:54] it means that you try to have real conversation with somebody who could be the leader of the country that you live in

[00:47:00] and so that's why I have a lot of respect for people like Joe Rogan who are willing to have conversations

[00:47:05] with both sides of the aisle with anybody. It's incredibly important and it is

[00:47:10] you cannot have a lower form of thinking than moral absolutists which is that because I do not agree

[00:47:17] with this one thing from this one human that human is now bad. That's so asinine that somebody is in ability to see

[00:47:25] that every single human you're going to disagree with something on is so commonplace today. Now when it comes to politics

[00:47:32] we actually have a big donor to both local politics and national politics. I actually think it's a travesty

[00:47:39] that we don't have more business professionals and influencers and creators willing to weigh in.

[00:47:44] I think people are I think people lack courage and you know we were talking Spencer and I were talking about this.

[00:47:52] I am not a nice person. I am a good person and I would rather have good person on my tombstone and nice nowhere near it

[00:48:01] and let me tell you the difference between the two. A nice person if somebody comes up to Nicole

[00:48:07] and somebody is yelling at Nicole in real life. What does a nice person do? Maybe they try to diffuse this and say okay you know what?

[00:48:14] But what does a good person do? Excuse me please going to back the fuck up for my friend and you're not going to speak to another human like that

[00:48:20] and by the way if I have to bodily get between the two of you I will do so and I will not be nice about it.

[00:48:25] But what does that mean? It's the courageous thing. It's that you will be a good person. You will stand on a line with a human

[00:48:31] according to your ethical or moral compass and most people today who can benefit from the internet are too scared

[00:48:38] to put their real opinions out there on the things that drive our society forward.

[00:48:43] And I actually truly believe that we are at turning points in our society where we need to take some stands

[00:48:49] and a stand doesn't mean you have to be Republican, you have to be Democrat. It means that you have to be involved

[00:48:54] because if we've seen anything since 2020 we have seen that those on high, we have seeded so much power.

[00:49:01] We have given so much power to those on high that they can actually change the trajectory of not just the country but our individual lives materially and immediately.

[00:49:13] And so if we don't play this political game because we find it gross or it takes away from our platform and I think we're complicit in it, we're part of the problem.

[00:49:23] And so it's just something that I'm willing to do and when I posted that about Vivek, I think that he has interesting ideas.

[00:49:30] Just like I think RFK is interesting ideas and I think there's two candidates that probably don't need to name that I think need to move out of the way from the next generation of candidates

[00:49:38] and those come from both sides of the aisle.

[00:49:40] And I'd like to see more centrist politics happen where there's reasonable humans who don't believe that they need to take the power out of us poor idiots as citizens that can't handle it.

[00:49:53] If you look at the average politician and what they made pre and post being in politics, it's atrocious.

[00:49:59] Most of these people, you couldn't pay me to take them on as an employee and they get to lead our country? It's a no.

[00:50:05] And so that's why I'm willing to have those conversations not because I want people to vote one way or the other but because I think we need to have the conversation and it's really important.

[00:50:14] And you know, we have another person I think we know mutually that just Jay Shetty and he had another politician on his platform and from the other side of the aisle and people hated him for that.

[00:50:22] And I would never cancel somebody for talking to another person but I would push back really hard on people who are not willing to step in at all.

[00:50:30] And I think they do that for personal gain and they do it because the second you posted it think about politics 50% of the country fucking hates you.

[00:50:36] And so I get why people lean into self-interest.

[00:50:40] Oh 100% true. The thing I don't like is the people who take a side and only stick to that side, which is why I also respect Joe Rogan.

[00:50:51] But yeah, I mean, Naval has this great quote where he says, if your ideas and beliefs align completely with one side or the other then you're just not a critical thinker.

[00:51:04] Yeah, it's so true. And I wish more people would internalize that and realize that I think their desire to belong is so much stronger than their desire to be courageous which I think we need to change.

[00:51:18] That's where the lack of courage comes from I think. It's that you just want to fit in so badly you want the things you want to be accepted so badly.

[00:51:27] It's like even even the marriage thing that we were just talking about.

[00:51:32] Oh my god, I can't tell you in my 20s how badly I just wanted to get married because I was like if I don't then I'm a loser or like I'm one of these people that Matt Wall she's going to come after you know what I mean?

[00:51:47] Like it was really like that because everyone I grew up around was told like you need to get married by this age and have kids by this age. And that's the only way.

[00:51:57] And it took I had to find women who were successful and happy who got married later just for me to even believe that that was possible for me, which was crazy.

[00:52:09] And the other reality is the divorce rate. So you're telling all these women they need to get married but you don't even know who you are by like 25 that's like when you're just starting to know who you are.

[00:52:20] And so the likelihood of divorce actually getting married at those ages that you're encouraging women to get married and have kids at, you're actually really just setting them up to get divorced.

[00:52:30] And people don't think about that. There's no nuance in these conversations. It's all it's all like you need to do this, be this way, be this way, believe these things and then you fit in with us.

[00:52:41] And here's our common enemy the other side.

[00:52:44] Yeah, we have a saying on our team often if you think about doing business business is all about contracts right.

[00:52:52] And contracts are very specific in the words that they use. The word need is something that we throw around as a society very loosely you need to get married.

[00:53:03] You need to have kids, you need to do it by x, y and z. Well my team I've taught them something because they used to come to me with some of the contracts we've had and they'd say well we need to do this this and this we need to do this.

[00:53:13] And I would dig in and realize that they were confusing need with should or they said we need to but we don't contractually need to.

[00:53:22] And so now I will have my my team say to me they'll say we need to take x action and I'll go is it a contractual need that we are legally obligated to do no okay then is it something you think that we should do yes oh no it's not is it something that they said we need to do.

[00:53:40] We need to use words really particularly because the word need is too often confused with the word should which is a word that has no reason to exist.

[00:53:49] Because should is just somebody else's projections of their beliefs on you a need is breathing a need is eating anything that does not derive immediately you going to jail or you dying is somebody else's should and not your need.

[00:54:03] And if we realize that earlier than we wouldn't fall into living somebody else's lives which happens much too often wow oh my god to work just completely change everything for me well I mean I think you know this too but you know the problem is.

[00:54:19] We have to lean into more introspection and how do you do that in this day and age where you have you know the average person gets 72 text messages a day they get more than 50 emails a day.

[00:54:31] We consume two and a half hours of social media content we consume two hours on average of streaming or TV services.

[00:54:38] And we're at work for you know let's call it eight hours a day on average well that doesn't leave too much time for us to actually look ourselves in the mirror and ask who are you as a person and is that the person that you want to be.

[00:54:50] And so it takes a really strong human to carve out time to ask themselves what do I want what am I willing to do to get it and what am I willing to allow other people to say to me to project their wants and needs on me.

[00:55:03] And you know I think you should do you and I'm definitely going to do me and I don't really care what you think it's the same thing with the political thing I was like you guys are fucking nuts if you think you forever in one moment

[00:55:15] or going to determine the words that come out of my mouth in any way shape or form based on society's expectations. Absolutely not.

[00:55:22] We build lives based on financial freedom and having lots of businesses and growing independently so that we can use our meat lips to say the things that we believe that come out of our brains.

[00:55:34] And most people bow to the mob and I think you should spend your life in the pursuit of finding out who you want to be and nothing else.

[00:55:43] I agree. I think there's also two other things that people need to pay attention to one what they're consuming because if you don't decide the algorithm and the Internet will decide for you.

[00:55:56] The other thing is and I think Kathy Kelly came up with this job we were actually walking and we were talking about you too because we were talking about how we've had so many falling out with our friends as our lives have gotten better

[00:56:11] and we were kind of sad about it losing friendships that you've had for years and years. And I mentioned to her well Cody has this thing where she talks about that too.

[00:56:20] I'm going to go find it and literally we get home and I was like Cody literally just posted about this today.

[00:56:27] And she's like you know I think we should have like a friend audit every few years and I was like that's interesting because I never thought that but maybe that really would help all of us.

[00:56:40] And so I wanted to ask you if you had to do a friend audit every few years what are the things that you would look for in those friendships that you didn't think to look for before because I heard you talk about

[00:56:55] a friend that you've had for like what 18 years that she hit you up and she's like well you're posting with all these other people why aren't you posting with me.

[00:57:04] And also another reality is sometimes people have a really hard time watching their friends get successful not everyone's like that but I have seen it happen many times and I think it comes from a place of scarcity where it's like you're

[00:57:21] you know there are limited amount of opportunities jobs men this is drilled into women's heads and then they see someone else get it and they're like oh that means that I can't have it.

[00:57:33] And I think that that's the force that's stopping women who aren't supportive of each other in those friendships.

[00:57:40] So what is the thing what are the things that you would look for in friendships now knowing what you know and having gone through what you've gone through.

[00:57:50] When I start to feel myself get jealous of another.

[00:57:55] I have a picture immediately that goes ahead to my head.

[00:57:58] I picture the worst outfit on me in the most atrocious color like we all have that right yeah like for me it's like orange like anytime I wear like but it's not a good one.

[00:58:08] I look bomb an orange not gonna lie to you.

[00:58:11] No it's like I get this right turn I get this color of orange on its awful so when I get jealous I just picture me in like this orange jumpsuit flushed out you know under fluorescent lights.

[00:58:21] Maybe it's a bathing suit like just nightmare fuel right and that's how I picture jealousy and I think to myself jealousy doesn't look good on the Ocoady.

[00:58:30] And every single time I just snap that little image in my head and I think this isn't a good look and I'm not going to do that when I feel that little twinge inside of me peak its head because it comes up with every single one of us.

[00:58:39] Even really successful humans have twinges of jealousy that's okay but I just picture myself in that outfit and I go yeah it doesn't work for us today.

[00:58:46] I'm not wearing that and then I sort of let it pass.

[00:58:49] And when I see it come up on other humans I usually allow one go.

[00:58:53] I let one go for a friend that I consider close to have a moment of jealousy because I know that I've had them too and perhaps they don't get to see themselves in the mirror in the mirror in this outfit.

[00:59:04] But after that one chance I usually don't give them another one if it happens.

[00:59:10] So what happens it's once you know shame on me twice shame on you and so that second go round it usually starts with something like oh you've changed.

[00:59:20] Oh I haven't seen you in a while you've been really busy like not answering text or calls.

[00:59:24] So it's those tiny little shame moments that you can feel in your gut you know exactly what it is.

[00:59:30] There's no questioning we question it in our brands but you know what they're saying and once that happens once it's okay once it happens two times it's just a no for me.

[00:59:37] And I let them go lovingly and that doesn't mean I have a big conversation with them it doesn't mean I try to change them in any way shape or form.

[00:59:42] You're no better than that friend you're just in a different spot.

[00:59:45] But at that point I sort of start pouring into the friendship and I move on to the next level of the game because what happens is life is just like

[00:59:53] any video game you play and if you keep hanging around the same people and you keep doing the same laps you're never going to evolve to the next level.

[01:00:01] And so you hope that you can give everything possible to those humans to come along with you but if they don't choose to that's their journey that's not yours.

[01:00:07] And so I usually let them go on the journey and one of the other key indicators of people who are going to not be in your future is that they focus on the past they talk about the past they talk about people they don't talk about actions and movements.

[01:00:20] And so past and people are the two peas that will keep you stuck and if you want to move towards the future you got to stay away from those.

[01:00:27] I love that.

[01:00:28] I know you're really close friends with Layla Hermozzi who I also think is amazing she's another one that I'm like you guys got to follow her she knows her shit.

[01:00:37] When I interviewed her at that mastermind I remember you asked a question from the audience and I thought to myself in that moment I was like God these two are so sophisticated like I don't even know what Cody asked even means.

[01:00:53] Like no straight up.

[01:00:55] I was sitting there on stage.

[01:00:57] I thought I throw you like a little ball.

[01:00:59] No hard one.

[01:01:00] No you didn't give me a hard one.

[01:01:01] Oh I asked her.

[01:01:02] I was a moderator for that.

[01:01:04] Yeah it wasn't that it was that I was sitting there in that seat.

[01:01:08] I was just like oh there's things they know that I don't know and I just need to learn those things totally but I know that you guys are close friends and I know

[01:01:16] you have like a like a Tuesday ritual or whatever like just another Tuesday what is it about because that's that's like a friendship that I feel like you value a lot.

[01:01:25] What is it about that friendship that you feel like keeps it going.

[01:01:29] You know maybe friendship sometimes to me are like a sports team.

[01:01:35] You know you have this mutual goal that you're going through in life and when you meet other friends that are on the same team they're trying to figure out the same thing at the same time you're all kind of searching for the same goal.

[01:01:48] There's just so much you want to interact on.

[01:01:50] And so that same team moment might be when you're you know when you have a kid and you're trying to figure out how do I take care of this little amorphous blob for the first three years and not let it kill itself.

[01:01:59] You know like that's that's a team moment and her and I I think are on a similar team because we're both trying to build these companies we're doing it in public.

[01:02:07] You know we're both married and so there's a lot of proximity between the two of us and then there's a lot of shared goals and that usually leads to strong bonds.

[01:02:15] The second thing I realized from you know my husband is some of my best friends are his best friends from going through the military and the naval academy.

[01:02:25] And when I asked him about that I thought got you know I would call Joe I would call Ryan I would call Stephen if I had a barrier dead body like those would be probably my first three phone calls I'd call those guys and I'd go the thing is I need you here right now and they would come.

[01:02:41] And I remember saying to Chris how do you build friendships like that because I had actually never tried to build friendships like that before.

[01:02:47] I had people that I was friends with and then I think I was good too but I hadn't thought that long and hard about it.

[01:02:53] And he said to me that you know it's very simple strong bonds have to be forged through fire and if you don't go through difficult things with the humans that you move through time with they will not stay strong those bonds will not be truly forged because they will still be like metal is until it goes into the fire which is a great deal.

[01:03:10] And he goes into the fire which is very liquid and movable.

[01:03:13] And he was like you know we went to war together you know or we went to the naval academy and we're miserable young you know boys in school together and that difficulty has led to lifelong bond.

[01:03:22] And so when it comes to friendships like mine with with way of let's say and you know another girlfriend of mine Ryan it's that we see each other on these paths where we're like today was hard huh like you got a lawsuit fuck what do we need to do you know you got a you got an employee leaving you had somebody steal from me.

[01:03:39] Like I feel you I'm here for you I realize that it's difficult and it's an honor that you called me and that we get to work through this together.

[01:03:48] And so that is a really big gift I feel like my husband gave me that he made me realize that going through difficulty with friends if you can do it mutually is a is probably the most strengthening thing you can do for your bonds through life.

[01:04:04] I totally agree with that but then there was something I realized after that I had that realization also is because there are some people that will be for be there for you through the tough times yeah.

[01:04:16] But the second they're watching you live it up winning celebrating they sort of like take a step back I had the same conversation with the hill bloom where it's like there are some friends that they're okay watching you go through difficulty but they have a hard time watching you win and they can't celebrate with you.

[01:04:33] So I think it's so important to look for both because it's so easy I would imagine to be friends with Cody Sanchez and hear all the bad stuff that's going on in her life because it's such a relief to know that you also you know you're not the only one who's going through this stuff she's going through it too.

[01:04:51] But if you're not able to celebrate for your friend yeah that's also something you need to work on so I just feel I just feel like you know if we want good friends we need to be good friends so both of those things are important I think you nailed it because I know what it's like to achieve something and not have people around who are happy for you and that's so hard yeah yeah yeah well it's also it's lonely right because you know there's that old saying that sounds ridiculous when you're like I'm not sure if you're going to be happy with it.

[01:05:20] It sounds ridiculous when you're young and have nothing which is that it's lonely at the top you're like well try it it's fine yeah but you know I think I realized a little bit earlier that when you do have a massive amount of success one it can feel weird like try this on so you know feel like

[01:05:40] say you meet Jeff Bezos right and you're you and me and you go up to Jeff Bezos and he's accomplished everything and you're a huge fan and whatever what are usually people say like I'm such a fan of your work it's so incredible blah blah blah but if somebody was to say to Jeff Bezos like I'm so proud of you for doing this.

[01:05:58] You know like that feels weird yeah I'm going to be proud of Jeff Bezos awkward I don't think so yeah and yet that means that then Jeff Bezos gets told I'm proud of you negative time.

[01:06:10] Nobody would say that to him because who's above him that could be seen as looking down saying I'm so proud of this thing that you have created I'm so proud of you it's like we have somehow said that only people who are above us can tell us that they're proud of us and so when they say it's lonely at top it's because you can have a lot of people looking up but you going

[01:06:30] so amazing everything you built like so cool I want to be you one day but you don't have anybody down on high saying I'm proud of you I know what this took this is really difficult and so I think that if you can flip that brain I mean if somebody came up to me and they were like Cody like I'm so proud of what you've built like I'm like I'm I crying you're crying who's crying here wait I'm proud of you though right have I never told you that well I fit I don't know I don't think so because those words feel weird to say like if I was to say I'm really proud of what you've built Nicole you're like feels really cool.

[01:07:00] It's kind doesn't it does and it kind of hits a nerve because you're not saying I want to it you're not saying I'm a huge fan because that's about you not me right you're saying I'm proud of you and what you've built and so that is a great indicator that you have a real

[01:07:13] friend when you have somebody who's even below you above you whatever that says I'm really proud of you because they know what the work took to get there yeah well I do I do remember you followed my brand you followed my

[01:07:25] podcast and you're like hey I see you killing it and growing yeah well I think it's really cool yeah and you know what it takes because

[01:07:32] you've done it but like that meant a lot to me too and just little things like that I'm like all right I'm going

[01:07:37] to keep doing like it is fuel it is it really is fuel it's an important thing in a friendship but yeah I mean man friendships

[01:07:45] or I feel like just as important as romantic partnerships yeah I actually read an interesting study the other day about dogs

[01:07:52] and the study is that dogs live longer if you socially interact them constantly with other dogs and it doesn't

[01:08:01] matter food tendencies walking tendency the number one indicator for the longest length of dog lifespan is whether they interact

[01:08:11] often with other dogs now I've read one study so I'm an expert on the internet but this is what the one said and what I thought

[01:08:16] was interesting about that is it turns out that dogs who are from wealthy households are at actually live

[01:08:23] shorter life spans than those are from not wealthy households because I would imagine wealthy households

[01:08:29] don't have as many dogs in proximity they're probably not proximity like walking to parks as often they're

[01:08:33] often in their own yard and their own setup and so I think humans are not that different we need human

[01:08:40] interaction and social connection in order for us to live longer happier healthy lives and so you take the dog

[01:08:46] for the walk to meet other dogs but you got to take the human on the walk to go meet other humans too and without

[01:08:51] those social connections and friendships very quickly we we we we do rail and you know that because we all watched

[01:08:57] our grandparents and maybe our parents and we saw what happened to them when during COVID they couldn't interact

[01:09:04] with other people I mean I saw firsthand my grandma Jen was in a was in a home with other people in the nursing home

[01:09:11] and she did well during COVID she had other group interaction often they were sort of closed off from us the

[01:09:18] outsiders but they all inside of it interacted that I have my grandma and grandpa who are in a house by

[01:09:23] themselves who didn't get out who didn't have any social interaction who had really tough regulations put on them

[01:09:29] by the family actually and they they degraded faster than I've ever seen anybody to create

[01:09:35] and I think that's because humans are tribal beings and we need connection and if you don't have connection

[01:09:40] then you start to devolve and oh 100 percent I've noticed you you tweet a lot about like certain

[01:09:47] billionaires that you know because you're always trying to like extract lessons from them I'm the same way

[01:09:52] anytime I meet a billionaire or I'd be friend a billionaire I'm like okay there's something but have you noticed

[01:09:58] there's a lot of really wealthy people who are not happy oh yeah why do we think that is I suppose you know

[01:10:08] if you spend your life in the pursuit of the one thing you think is going to make you happy and then

[01:10:13] you achieve at the highest level of all humans anywhere and you realize that it doesn't actually change

[01:10:21] your happiness it's probably difficult and I think that's what happens with a lot of billionaires

[01:10:26] is why they do the giving pledge I think that's also why you know a lot of them continue to grind

[01:10:31] in multiple aspects you know there's that study that came out a million years ago where they said

[01:10:36] that after 72 thousand dollars in income you don't have any happiness you don't have an increase in

[01:10:41] happiness and all of us were like that doesn't seem right because I remember 72 and then I remember

[01:10:46] two and then I remember five and then I remember a mill and there was a difference between those

[01:10:50] and they adjusted the study to say after 500k there is a material increase in happiness

[01:10:57] and I think that sounds reasonably right I think I don't know how to feel that in my body but

[01:11:03] that sounds like that could be that could be true but I think you know I had a friend my

[01:11:09] husband had a friend who worked for a family office of a billionaire a very big name everybody

[01:11:14] would know him and then he worked for another billionaire a very big name everybody would know him

[01:11:19] and I remember when Chris and I started building our holding company and we have a goal of making

[01:11:24] billions of dollars and creating hundreds of thousands of small business owners he said to Chris

[01:11:29] I wish you not one penny more than $299 million and Chris was like why?

[01:11:35] $299 mill like what's that number he's like I don't know but right about the $300 million

[01:11:40] dollar mark people lose their fucking minds and his take was that you just lose

[01:11:45] context with reality you can bend the will of the world around you at a couple hundred

[01:11:51] million dollars in liquid net worth and when that happens you know you forget what the price

[01:11:57] of a banana is you forget how to communicate with a taxi driver you know you have less

[01:12:01] context for everyday humans and they don't get to go get walks with other humans

[01:12:05] and so you start to believe that you're something different than everybody else and so I don't know

[01:12:09] I'm willing to take the trial run on being a billionaire but I can see why it wouldn't

[01:12:14] immediately lead to happiness. Well you have self awareness so I think

[01:12:18] you as a billionaire I think you'd actually do pretty well and I don't think you would

[01:12:22] change much I think you would be the person that you are the thing that I realize which

[01:12:27] ties in nicely to what you just said is you have to let the ordinary things make you happy.

[01:12:34] Yeah no matter what no matter what if you go outside billionaire or thousand

[01:12:41] air okay yeah you go outside and the sun hits your skin and or you run into a

[01:12:47] friend and you hug each other like if those things aren't able to make you happy

[01:12:52] and your standard is now oh I need to walk into a nightclub be able to like

[01:12:58] you know get all the bottle service I want or charter a private jet and those are the

[01:13:02] only things that can make you happy you're fucked yeah I agree you're fucked I agree

[01:13:07] so I think I think that's that's really the message here yeah I also think I

[01:13:13] mean I did the whole bottle service finance New York thing for a long time I feel like

[01:13:17] that might be a second layer of hell yeah I don't like it either pain for the

[01:13:21] bottles the only way that it's that much fun is if you're drinking the entire bottle

[01:13:26] 42 and but like you know they like it's such a contrived weird hierarchy of

[01:13:33] society it's like wait over here you know with the like a the bouncer who's like a

[01:13:36] fake policeman that now your paying tens of thousands of dollars for it to you

[01:13:40] wait over here and there's this like long line of people it's like you not you

[01:13:44] you know and you're like yeah me I'm gonna go in there then you go stand in

[01:13:47] your place and then a bunch of scantily glad chicks bring these like neon

[01:13:51] signs not pretty signs and then there's sparklers and then they're making you

[01:13:55] pay all this money for this the next day you're dead because you've never felt

[01:13:59] worse and that night like you really can't remember what happened because

[01:14:02] everybody's drinking so much I remember when I was a Goldman Sachs just thinking

[01:14:05] what are we doing and humans have lost it basically I think so too yeah it's

[01:14:12] funny because you think about why people are going to clubs really yes there's

[01:14:17] music but you know I love festivals and concerts but that's a completely

[01:14:24] different vibe and also for me house parties are the move or like my own

[01:14:28] events that I throw because it's like mixer but but I but I had to create that

[01:14:33] because it didn't I feel like it didn't exist enough but the nightclub thing

[01:14:37] specifically let's just boil it down to what it is people want to find other

[01:14:43] people to date and have sex with that's the bottom lot that's what this men

[01:14:48] I think it's a power play I thought it was not too they could be it's that

[01:14:52] to it's that to so and that's like you know wealth signaling right so that

[01:14:58] and then that's a status game yeah and again we want to be playing wealth

[01:15:02] creation games really 100% and so so that's a status game and that that never

[01:15:07] ends the sex thing is that's why I'm so upset that nobody taught us how to bond

[01:15:13] with each other because the reality is you can actually have sex every night if

[01:15:18] you just bonded with the person that you're meant for and you don't need it's

[01:15:23] just there like a conversation with a human not left everybody's right but no

[01:15:27] yeah that's what I'm saying that's what I'm saying is that it's so it like

[01:15:31] society has become so lost it's like do you actually think that those things

[01:15:35] are gonna make you happy going out to a nightclub getting drunk having a

[01:15:39] hangover doing all these drugs it's like it doesn't make sense to me we need

[01:15:43] to go back to normalcy yeah I used to be kind of judgment and sometimes I

[01:15:48] catch myself being judgmental of people who are engaging in that lifestyle

[01:15:52] but yeah and I just I really try to stop myself because the reality is if

[01:15:56] you're a young girl from San Dusky Ohio for example and you fly into LA and

[01:16:02] your options are a work for minimum wage at any retail store or a man gives you

[01:16:12] who you're relatively attracted to relatively who's older than you get offers

[01:16:17] you 10 to 20 grand and buys you a place and buys you a car and you just have

[01:16:25] to have sex with him sometimes I mean yeah I really can't judge a girl in

[01:16:30] that position that's interesting I really can't and and what's happening also

[01:16:35] with the only fans girls and you know people you know people judge and

[01:16:40] criticize them it's like what's happening to society it's like I'll tell you

[01:16:43] what's what's happening you can't blame these girls for going and doing that

[01:16:47] and making millions of dollars because guess who's paying for that dude yeah so

[01:16:53] don't come don't come at women and be like oh this is what women are doing in

[01:16:57] bubble it's like you're literally incentivizing them to do that you're not

[01:17:01] learning how to be a self-sufficient man who bonds with a woman emotionally and

[01:17:06] has you know an equal partnership you're not doing that you're jacking off

[01:17:11] to only fans girls yeah frankly you're jacking off to them and then you're

[01:17:15] complaining on the internet about why there are no traditional girls G.I. wonder

[01:17:19] why like straight like straight up I look at people who are in those arenas

[01:17:24] and I'm just like I'm like I don't understand what you're complaining about

[01:17:27] you can be you can be the change but you're pointing fingers and that's why I

[01:17:32] like what what you talk about so much where it's like no no no we actually don't

[01:17:35] point fingers we have agency we have control we take responsibility you ask

[01:17:41] what can I do not oh who did this you know what I mean it's like it's it's

[01:17:46] literally a complete mental shift that'll change your life yeah and so yeah

[01:17:52] I mean I'm just that's wild yeah that's that's that that was crazy to me

[01:17:56] because well I guess you know we also did grow up watching like pretty woman and

[01:18:00] you know that move like those have been like societally normalized responses to

[01:18:07] what's what's out there I think you know hopefully what people get when they

[01:18:12] listen to stuff like this is that we all have a lot more capability than we

[01:18:17] think and instead of falling into what is in front of you men and women how can

[01:18:25] you step up to the next level because life will be shallow empty and lonely

[01:18:31] at the path of least resistance and the path of least resistance is being on only

[01:18:35] fans on both sides of the transaction and there's stuff that I just refuse to

[01:18:42] invest in and businesses that I refuse to own because I don't think they're

[01:18:45] good for society I got out of cannabis because I at first thought that cannabis

[01:18:50] actually had a lot of benefits and I still think there are some benefits but

[01:18:54] not nearly as many as I thought and I think so now I don't invest in that

[01:18:59] sector anymore I have a lot of money in it but I just choose to not go in

[01:19:03] forward and it's the same with like I don't invest in tobacco you know I would

[01:19:07] never invest in only fans I wouldn't invest in dating platforms I actually don't

[01:19:11] think those things lead to deeper human connection which is what an intimate

[01:19:15] relationship is all about it also happens that there's sexual interaction

[01:19:18] there but that's neither here nor there and so yeah I don't think we should judge

[01:19:23] except to say I think you're more capable on both sides and so what would

[01:19:27] happen if you proved yourself wrong in me right in that belief you know and

[01:19:31] and you know for I was doing the numbers the other day like the average only

[01:19:35] fans creator earned something horrific like less than $87 a month on the ones of

[01:19:43] the top are varies few yeah and their trajectories going to be really short

[01:19:49] and we don't know what the future holds and you have a negative long-term

[01:19:52] degradation of reputation largely and so I don't think that there's judgment I

[01:19:58] think you should do whatever you want and every human should have the capacity

[01:20:01] within their own sphere as long as it's not negatively affecting those around

[01:20:05] them to do whatever they want I think that's what freedom means literally but I

[01:20:10] think you should look at your options with a really wide lens and maybe assume

[01:20:14] that you're more capable than you think on multiple levels except if that's the

[01:20:18] thing that you fucking love to do more than anything else in the world and there

[01:20:21] is you know some pursuit of that but to you feels like you were uniquely positioned

[01:20:25] on this planet to do and if that's your belief then I think go do it yeah 100

[01:20:29] percent yeah another thing I like that you talk about and I've seen you post so

[01:20:33] many videos about this and I send them to everyone you know most people a lot

[01:20:41] of people and we've seen the statistics and I'm sure you know what they are

[01:20:44] young kids for example want to be influencers they want to be famous it used

[01:20:49] to be actress model now it's like influencer yeah and what we've been seeing

[01:20:55] with a lot of these actresses like when it's Paltrow Reese Witherspoon Jessica

[01:21:02] Alba is they take what they've done and they're like okay I could act but the

[01:21:08] eventually when you're a woman the industry sort of just like it's crazy but

[01:21:14] they're like you know what now we're going on the entrepreneurial path and

[01:21:19] you've documented some of these and you're like here's how Reese Witherspoon

[01:21:23] did it here's how we can learn from it and so we are seeing a shift a little bit

[01:21:27] and especially you know that people like you are highlighting what these women

[01:21:30] can do that's why honestly that's why I love your content so much and just not

[01:21:35] not just your content just who you are as a person and what you're doing

[01:21:39] because I live in LA I see these women I hang out with these women who literally

[01:21:44] every any girl would look at any of these women that I know and think oh she

[01:21:49] must be so happy she must be killing it she's a model she has this many

[01:21:54] million followers she must be so happy and I cannot tell you watching

[01:21:59] when especially the like really really hot ones that everyone thinks they

[01:22:02] want to be but think how much money goes into beauty for women oh yeah oh my

[01:22:08] god thinking that that's going to solve all your problems I cannot tell you

[01:22:11] when I look at a girl who has been in these industries and then I look at you

[01:22:17] how drastically different the confidence levels and the self esteem

[01:22:22] levels are because you Cody okay you're beautiful but you're also smart a

[01:22:28] good friend can have a conversation with pretty much anybody buying boring

[01:22:35] businesses you understand link there's so many different aspects to you that

[01:22:40] you hone in on and value in yourself and what they've been told is it's all

[01:22:47] numbers it's all the way you look and at some point you're going to expire

[01:22:51] so that then they see themselves and society doesn't help with this sees

[01:22:57] them as a depreciating asset you see what I'm saying oh yeah well I mean I

[01:23:02] see it with I have some family members that are younger beautiful family

[01:23:07] members and grew up in the age of Instagram you know Snapchat etc. And I see

[01:23:12] the way that I looked when I was you know 19 and then the way that they look

[01:23:16] and they look much better but you know I was talking to one of them and and I

[01:23:22] kind of said the same thing I was saying you about the only fan thing which

[01:23:24] is you should do and post and say whatever you want but if you don't think

[01:23:30] about second and third order effects what will happen from the thing that you do

[01:23:34] today in one year three years five years ten years and twenty years then the

[01:23:39] decisions you make will be driven by others as opposed to the future that you

[01:23:42] want to have and I often ask myself would future Cody be proud of the thing

[01:23:46] that current Cody is doing and then I'll ask the flip side would 15 year old

[01:23:50] Cody think that this is pretty fucking cool what we're doing today and for

[01:23:54] these women I would say the second that you think and put yourself few the

[01:24:00] put the second that you put future you on a pedestal higher than anybody else's

[01:24:04] opinions is the second you stop worrying about your weight and numbers etc.

[01:24:09] because you're saying is future me going to be proud of this moment or not

[01:24:12] and if not then I don't really care about these other things and it's a daily

[01:24:15] battle and it will continue to be a daily battle but you allow yourself a

[01:24:19] counterweight you know in life if you fall to everybody else's expectations

[01:24:23] then you have this heavy load and you have to have a counterweight which is your

[01:24:27] future expectations that can they can pull you up and balance you out and so

[01:24:32] you know if I was young and on the internet right now I would be thinking what

[01:24:37] am I going to be really proud that I did in one three five ten and twenty years

[01:24:42] from now because given the way the internet is going everybody will probably

[01:24:47] know about the things that you do today even when you think it is in the quiet

[01:24:50] darkness around you everything is public and so assume future you is going to

[01:24:55] know all of it and so is the rest of the world and do the right thing because

[01:24:58] it's easier to remember and because you will be happy that you did in the

[01:25:02] future but you know and then I think about like if you think about Hollywood

[01:25:07] and it's not too to grade anything because thank God there are humans that want

[01:25:11] to entertain us and that can make us feel things through movies and art it's

[01:25:15] pretty incredible but I remember I was talking to Dean Graziocio who's

[01:25:19] who's become a friend and he did a big event with Matthew McConaughey and

[01:25:24] Dean was like how do you feel after doing this what do you think and Matthew was

[01:25:27] like man you know Dean did it in impression of him like God up you start

[01:25:31] walking back and forth like like McConaughey does and was like this is the

[01:25:35] first time that I got to act as Matthew McConaughey is like this is the first

[01:25:40] time all the other times I've been somebody else but today I was me and two

[01:25:45] million people showed up to see me first time and so when I think about acting

[01:25:50] if I was to surround myself with the idea that what I do at the core is insert

[01:25:56] myself into somebody else's character and get other people to believe in this

[01:26:00] other person's character I would want to make sure I have something really

[01:26:04] grounding that is fully me because otherwise you're gonna lose yourself and

[01:26:08] other people's roles and I don't like faking it and I certainly don't like

[01:26:12] pretending to be somebody else and I think for humans that can be really

[01:26:15] hard to do it degrading over time and I think that's probably why their fame

[01:26:19] is so hard when your business famous I'm like you don't like my idea okay

[01:26:24] whatever it's just my idea that's not me I'm not me out there I'm just ideas

[01:26:28] and you know context but for celebrities it's often them it's like I don't

[01:26:33] like you as a human because the only thing you were offering is yourself or

[01:26:38] yourself playing somebody else so I think I think it's a hard hard road yeah

[01:26:43] I think so too yeah man that's nuts and yeah I like Matthew McConaughey

[01:26:49] as Matthew McConaughey yeah me too yeah he's kind of lovely yeah yeah I think

[01:26:53] so to I think he's one of the ones where I'm like I hope you know if I ever

[01:26:56] get to the chance to meet him he's like who he seems like he is you know

[01:27:00] sometimes you're like oh don't meet my heroes because what if they're not like

[01:27:03] that but he seems he seems like a I feel like yeah he's like he's like him yeah

[01:27:09] yeah he gives me that vibe Matthew we're open we're open to it yeah you'd love

[01:27:14] Andrew Schultz in person too oh yeah he seems comedians to me are incredible

[01:27:18] because they they do the thing that we all wish we could do which is look at

[01:27:24] society find the absurdity in it rewarded in our own frame repeat it to

[01:27:29] society immediately about 50% of the populace is gonna hate you for saying

[01:27:33] their absurdity is real and the other 50% is going to have their eyes open to

[01:27:38] something they've never seen before like the best comedy is just pulling back

[01:27:42] a curtain and showing reality and a way to never thought about it very

[01:27:46] created and they're not nice maybe they're not always good but sometimes

[01:27:49] they're really good and so I imagine that I would like him he seems to be okay

[01:27:55] with saying his truth pretty publicly and also being okay with being wrong which

[01:27:59] I highly advise yes no he's both he's always been both of those things yeah

[01:28:03] that's because you knew him for a long time or something right

[01:28:05] yeah so I interviewed him back when he had I interviewed back I interviewed him

[01:28:10] back when he had like 90 thousand followers and I'm like you're like the next

[01:28:15] comedian that's why I was like I saw I saw I see somebody else coming up next

[01:28:20] who's the next to the other Schultz you got less know and I know I know I know

[01:28:23] when I when I find them I will tell you okay but yeah I mean I saw I saw his

[01:28:29] comedy and I was like and I remember the title of the article after I

[01:28:34] interview him I interviewed him was is Andrew Schultz the next household name

[01:28:38] and comedy yeah and so I did the article and he's like this is such a good

[01:28:43] article he's like I he's like no one's ever written about me before I'm like

[01:28:46] really because he was on MTV's guy code and he's like yeah no you're very good

[01:28:52] you're very talented and I'm like oh cool and then and it was for beyond the

[01:28:56] interview which I started as an online magazine and then I liked other stuff that

[01:29:02] he was saying because it's not he'll comment on anything he's not just like a

[01:29:06] comedian he knows what's going on the guy is with it so I was like I was like

[01:29:11] Andrew I like a lot of the stuff that you just like say on your podcast or

[01:29:15] say to me can we take that and because I used to do these quote things where I

[01:29:19] would put someone's face and do like a slide show of what they said and I was

[01:29:23] like can we do that post it with my logo you posted on your page and tag me

[01:29:28] he's like yeah for sure so he would do that as he was growing and then those

[01:29:33] followers would follow my page and so he he actually helped me a lot in that

[01:29:39] way and so I watched him grow into all this you know all this that he's doing

[01:29:43] and also when he would come to LA like I'd be like we need to do a photo shoot

[01:29:47] he's like let's let's do it and he would like come we'd go out we take photos

[01:29:50] like it was his early days so watching him evolve into what he is I mean he's

[01:29:56] someone not only I want to have him on my podcast I want to do like a whole

[01:30:00] like how did he get here because I watched it and I watch how he brought his

[01:30:05] friends with him like I remember seeing his friend Akash on Joe Rogan

[01:30:09] and he put his friend I love that like are you kidding me yeah that's huge like

[01:30:14] that's huge yeah you know they mean like he brings his friends with him they're

[01:30:18] all like a squad he's friends with his like you know college friends he's a good

[01:30:22] human the way he talks about his wife I don't know if you saw him on on

[01:30:27] NELC oh my god good yeah and just like the way I mean look at get a prenup I

[01:30:35] don't care but the way he was like he was like yeah no I didn't get a prenup to

[01:30:40] me it's just like a forever thing so I just didn't I was like

[01:30:45] so hot yeah like I don't know just the way and just he has episodes of his

[01:30:52] podcast where he's talking about how beautiful it was at his wedding to have all

[01:30:58] the people that you love in one moment and how surreal that is and it's like

[01:31:02] he's a fucking cool guy yeah you know what I mean because a lot a lot of these

[01:31:06] like cooler swaggy types they don't they don't necessarily talk about this

[01:31:11] stuff like they're out there doing drugs being reckless doing like the

[01:31:15] craziest shit I mean we see what happens on the internet every day

[01:31:19] yep the guy is like cool but he's like a good human too and so I always think of him as

[01:31:24] like a good role model for men like when I see people looking up to Andrew Tate

[01:31:27] I'm like no no no Andrew Schultz yeah much better yeah I mean because he's courageous

[01:31:33] but he also has really good values good friendships good marriage like he's a great dude so yeah

[01:31:40] I think there's a lot to learn from the tates and the Kardashians and the really polarizing people

[01:31:45] in the world because I mean quite honestly if you want to get good at copywriting looking at

[01:31:49] Andrew Tate's tweets would like and reframing them in whatever your vernacular would be

[01:31:55] I mean it's just good copywriting he's a great marketer um he knows how to press on the pressure

[01:32:00] points of society and that's what he does again and again and again you know I always imagine him

[01:32:04] and Trump kind of like standing over a fish pond with like fish food in their hands and just

[01:32:10] throwing it out and Twitter is just like eating it up and they're just standing up there like this

[01:32:17] is exactly what we thought were going to happen because I'm just sitting up your feet in the fish

[01:32:20] every single day and the internet's gobbling it up um and so you know yeah those people are fascinating

[01:32:26] to me because that's they have this methodology for virality and and sort of rage and also love

[01:32:35] and acceptance that's it's very cult leader like you know who else who else is really good to look at

[01:32:39] and again you do not have to agree with her politics but if you look at her numbers it's insane

[01:32:46] and I mean I've told you know I've done copywriting and digital marketing and social media for like

[01:32:51] some of the biggest names in the world yeah and so one person that I tell them to look at is

[01:32:57] Candace Owens because if you watch her rants yeah particularly the George Floyd rant because I

[01:33:05] remember when that happened you know a lot of I have a lot of friends who are Republican right wing

[01:33:11] whatever and instead of even telling me like here's what I think about the George Floyd situation

[01:33:17] they would complete they would just divert to her and be like watch this and they would all send

[01:33:23] me the link like they didn't even want to describe it themselves why she was right they're just like

[01:33:27] this woman knows and I watched it and I'm like because I'm with you on the copywriting thing yeah

[01:33:33] this woman has the formula and it's free go look at it yeah and and part of it is like asking

[01:33:40] yourself questions you do that sometimes and I'm like you're killing it like you're like and why

[01:33:45] and why is that here's why like there's these little things like good public speakers do

[01:33:50] and people who get a lot of attention that you also could do yeah but you're not yeah so it's

[01:33:56] I watched that and I'm like this woman has it down she knows exactly what people are going to

[01:34:01] react to exactly the topics that are going to enrage people you know what I mean and I was just

[01:34:08] like this is genius yeah this is genius Jordan Peterson same thing yeah yeah yeah well I think a lot

[01:34:14] of these people too why to me what is happening today is that we have a removal we want removal

[01:34:21] of the fourth wall right like we want to sit with two people in a room and hear their actual

[01:34:26] thoughts we don't want a third party commentator snapping it up chopping it up overproducing it

[01:34:31] we want the opposite of that we also want humans that can say what they think for long periods

[01:34:35] of time continuously in their own words in a way that is convincing and also seems that they

[01:34:40] demonstrate some authority authority and they are all very good at that and so then I think the

[01:34:47] question becomes you have two ways you can react to this you can say one I want to be the type of

[01:34:52] human that other people listen to and my beliefs I get to push upon the world and if you are a person

[01:34:58] that wants to have your beliefs pushed upon the world you should go and study those who have the

[01:35:02] most attention in the economy right now and attention is measured purely by views and eyeballs and so

[01:35:07] you would just say I'm going to go and I'm going to follow these accounts I will follow the Kardashians

[01:35:13] I'll follow Tate I'll follow Owens I'll follow Peterson Peterson I'll follow anybody who's in

[01:35:19] the zeitgeist whether I believe their ideas or not and I will deconstruct their framework for attention

[01:35:25] and then if you want to take it one step further and you go okay well now I know how to get people's

[01:35:29] attentions how do I make sure that the things that come into my brain are real that I actually believe

[01:35:34] these truths and I'm not getting convinced just by somebody's ability to change the frame

[01:35:38] and then the way you do that is you look at what is your default avatar that you believe naturally

[01:35:43] and most of us believe somebody who comes off as confident with authority specifics numbers

[01:35:50] interactive question pauses intonation right then we say if we remove all that stuff and we write

[01:35:55] down their core idea do I still believe it or not and that's how you can figure out if you actually

[01:36:00] are being influenced to something you don't believe or are getting proof to a belief that

[01:36:05] you already have or think is true and if we did more of that we'd have more convincing humans

[01:36:09] which would be better for us all because then we could let the ideas battle as opposed to the

[01:36:13] eloquence battle hmm damn you're good oh I never thought of that I mean I think it's something

[01:36:21] I tried to do but it's hard who has again who has time time is time is time is time is time is

[01:36:26] but it's important if you do have beliefs that you want to share and by the way I've always wanted

[01:36:29] to be a call leader yeah so this is great for me thanks um I want to talk I want to go back to

[01:36:36] the boring businesses really quick yeah because I always made money as a creator and I knew how to like

[01:36:43] you know grow social media pages and that you know I've helped other people do that

[01:36:48] but I want to be a boring business owner too and my friends want to be boring business owners too

[01:36:56] um like what industries do we look at because I hear you talking about lawn remats yeah um

[01:37:04] and you know the lawn mowing and all this stuff it's like it's like what actually makes a lot of

[01:37:10] money and by the way I know you don't like California because of the taxes but for example

[01:37:15] like Shawnee and I want you know we were thinking of like opening up a nail salon or something

[01:37:20] there what are the margins there is that a good idea like yeah what's a good boring business

[01:37:24] that's worth buying and how do you know that it's worth buying okay the answer

[01:37:30] so how do you get another income stream that might be a boring business that cash flows to you

[01:37:37] yeah first for me I don't start them I buy them I want profits on day one as opposed to wait in hopes

[01:37:44] that my nail salon that I'm gonna start is gonna spin up and eventually give me cash but I'm

[01:37:48] gonna have to spend $150,000 in hopes for that eventual cash flow I don't like that trade so if

[01:37:55] all I am doing is trying to cash flow off of an asset money in my pocket then I want profits day one

[01:38:01] and I want hopes in a different category step two is I actually don't think it's a certain sector

[01:38:08] or type of business what you need to do is you need to understand your personal PNL your personal

[01:38:16] profit and loss statement and all that means is your credit card statement so what do you spend

[01:38:19] money on and what do you get money for each month and the way that I like to do it is I first look in

[01:38:25] my loss category what do I spend money on every single month then I go in there and I say can I

[01:38:30] get to the owners of any of these companies and I immediately disregard the Amazon's you know

[01:38:35] the the Netflix you know that any of the big companies in there but I pretty much guarantee that

[01:38:39] almost anybody listening is going to have a few line items in there a few expenses that are small

[01:38:45] it might be your podcast production studio it might be somewhere you lease it might be your

[01:38:51] property manager somewhere in there your pain a small business to do a service for you or for

[01:38:57] a product and then I categorize that list of people and I go okay I got 25 of these small businesses

[01:39:03] how small do I think these are are these all small enough for me to either negotiate buying the

[01:39:08] business or negotiate if I provide one of three types of service will you give me a percentage

[01:39:14] of this business and we'll return back to the three types of service small enough for you to get

[01:39:20] to or small enough for small enough for you to buy small enough for you to get some percentage of

[01:39:23] the company once I have that list let's say that's 15 companies now then I start going down the list

[01:39:28] and I start reaching out to each one of them and saying like hey Bob what's going on like podcast

[01:39:32] going great thanks for all the production stuff how are you how long have you had this business like

[01:39:36] tell me about you I've never asked these questions and you lead with curiosity oh man I've had the

[01:39:41] business for 25 years it's going good but life really wants to retire ding ding ding ding ding oh cool

[01:39:46] Bob uh talk to me about that is your son gonna take over oh he don't have any kids woof what do we

[01:39:51] gotta do with the business right and you're looking for these little signals that they want are

[01:39:55] potentially interested in exiting two have been there for a while and three you want to the

[01:40:01] business to be profitable so they make enough money for it to be worthwhile for you and there's

[01:40:05] this is where it gets complex and most people never do it because you need you need 90 days of

[01:40:12] probably 30 minutes to an hour a day of learning about how to acquire something before you can do it

[01:40:18] this is why most people never own or earn a business because it takes some time up front if

[01:40:22] you've never owned your own business you guys would be a little bit unfair advantage because you've

[01:40:26] already run your own businesses but I like Nicole I know you if you went out right now and you looked

[01:40:31] at everything you spend money on and you found all of those businesses and then you triangulated who

[01:40:36] you could get to and then you started asking those types of questions and then you ask yourself the

[01:40:40] next question which is okay they might be interested in selling it seems like it's small enough for me

[01:40:45] because you would ask them something like oh man this must be a great business you guys making

[01:40:50] like millions of dollars a year they're like oh my gosh now I'll be like and then you would do

[01:40:53] this you go well my podcast you know right now we're making you give first you go right now we're

[01:40:58] making I don't know 150 thousand dollars a year it's cool it's not where I want to be but I kind

[01:41:02] of I want to buy a couple businesses I kind of want to do something like how much do you guys make

[01:41:05] a year in your business and you'll be amazed how many times they'll tell you and then after that

[01:41:11] you ask yourself a question what does Nicole want to own oh Nicole would actually like to own part

[01:41:15] of a podcast production company because in fact she has a bunch of friends who have podcasts so she

[01:41:20] could immediately 5x the client list because she would just tell them that she has this perfect

[01:41:24] podcast production company and everybody would roll into it okay great so now I know this guy is

[01:41:30] in my wheelhouse I know he's small enough I know that I could grow the business or have some

[01:41:34] impact on it and uh it looks like he would be open to it and that's where you start the discussion

[01:41:39] you say hey Bob uh I actually am looking to buy a business like this or buy part of a business

[01:41:44] like this have you ever thought about selling or having a partner in a business

[01:41:48] and you let the negotiation commence and that buying it off of your personal P&L is the way

[01:41:53] that pros by businesses because you essentially take things that made you money or that cost you

[01:41:57] money and you put them in a column that now makes you money and that's the move okay wow

[01:42:02] and so what about these businesses that like you know that podcasts is obviously yeah um but

[01:42:09] but you know like the laundromats and stuff like that yeah well you probably don't use a laundromat

[01:42:14] so I wouldn't lead with that okay but let's say we do get our nails done okay so if you go to a

[01:42:19] nail salon right now it depends those businesses are often legacy businesses so that means like

[01:42:25] and you go in there and you can tell they all kind of look alike there's like usually family that's

[01:42:28] working in there usually a husband and wife run those types of businesses often they have kids

[01:42:32] often those businesses get passed down between two types of owners so it really depends on the

[01:42:38] individual business what you don't want to get to is you where most people go wrong as they go

[01:42:42] I want to own a boring business I want to own a small business I want to own this type of small

[01:42:47] business it actually doesn't matter because Nicole is your life submission to own a nail salon no

[01:42:52] why do you want to own a nail salon I just want cash flow okay so it doesn't actually matter that

[01:42:56] you own a nail salon or you want a podcast production company or you want to laundromat you're

[01:42:59] just like an extra 200k year right well I think what you have to separate you have to have

[01:43:04] so you have the things that are your startups that would be your startup that would be increasing

[01:43:08] the number of revenue lines on your current business okay so you have the business of beyond

[01:43:13] and Nicole is this it's a podcast right now and around the podcast is like sponsorships and maybe

[01:43:19] there's also events that you pay for and maybe there's also you know that you get paid for maybe

[01:43:24] there's also merch whatever that's your little ecosystem when you do acquisitions there's really

[01:43:28] three types of acquisitions there's vertical acquisitions which means I own a podcast so I'm

[01:43:34] going to buy another podcast right I own a car wash I'm gonna buy another car wash I'm gonna

[01:43:38] vertically integrate the two there's horizontal acquisitions which basically means I own a car

[01:43:43] wash so I'm also gonna own something that would beancellared the car wash system uh the SaaS company

[01:43:49] that the car wash runs on our CRM of the car wash etc um and then you have platform acquisitions

[01:43:57] which like uh I own a Cody I own a media company that is focused on boring businesses and finance

[01:44:06] on top of that I'm gonna buy an accounting firm that will be an add-on acquisition to this company

[01:44:11] and then what I try to do is I try to think about you know if I am an independent center of gravity

[01:44:16] if I am the Sun in my acquisition strategy what are the satellites that could rotate around

[01:44:21] the Sun or the Earth for me and so where I would try to lead you is first to think about how could

[01:44:26] you acquire things as opposed to test them which I think of as startups so when you buy a business

[01:44:32] you're buying current realities as opposed to future hopes so where can you try to buy a

[01:44:37] current reality and you can buy a current reality through a revenue share through a profit share

[01:44:44] through you say and I'll bring in additional clients through you saying hey I'd like to do a deal

[01:44:48] because I have these other friends and you have an event company and I could actually get a

[01:44:51] speaker's pretty easily I mean Dan Flushman great example killing it yeah Dan Dan basically just

[01:44:57] bought an event company I don't know any of the specifics about what you actually invested but

[01:45:02] I would imagine that part of it was a decreased price for him to invest because he can bring in

[01:45:07] Cody Sanchez without having to spend a bunch of money he could bring an Andy Fersella without

[01:45:10] bringing in a bunch of money he can make this ecosystem more valuable than just with his cash

[01:45:15] and so that's where you get into acquisitions 2.0 is when you think about your unfair advantages

[01:45:19] what are the things that the coal uniquely has where you could get equity and skin of the game in a

[01:45:23] business without cash but I would lean towards that as opposed to straight up buying a laundromat

[01:45:31] the reason I like buying laundromats and car washes etc is because it's simple and easy for

[01:45:36] people to understand and so that can get their wheels turning that can be a 1.0 acquisition

[01:45:41] it's a gateway drug to acquisition and then a 2.0 acquisition is like oh the laundromats

[01:45:46] actually too small what I want to own is a I want to own the bar stool of you know L.A. under

[01:45:54] under you know beyond etc because I know too many people in fact I'm going to go see one today

[01:45:59] who like wishes that they didn't have a course business because it was hot for a minute

[01:46:04] and now you know courses degrade over time you have to continuously update them or they become

[01:46:08] less valuable you don't have a course you have a community correct I have a community

[01:46:12] so what the academy so what's that like um well so here's the thought the idea was it's called

[01:46:19] Uncommental Acquisitions I have an MBA I was in M&A I was in private equity and I learned nothing

[01:46:28] about buying businesses from being in finance or from getting financial degrees and I spent

[01:46:34] hundreds of thousands of dollars on my financial degree from Georgetown and so when I started

[01:46:40] talking about this I realized I can't possibly buy all of these businesses um I actually don't want

[01:46:46] to buy all of them it's a ton of work and also I don't want to be blackstone so what would be the

[01:46:49] best way to disseminate this information so we started free just content content content if anybody

[01:46:55] wanted to learn from me on acquisitions hundreds of people DM me that they buy businesses off

[01:46:58] of our free content but the thing is if you want to move fast you need other humans and if you

[01:47:03] want to move with fewer mistakes you want other people to have learned the mistakes for you so we

[01:47:09] started an academy because I want to give I want to give Wharton Harvard and why you Stern School of

[01:47:15] Business or Run for their money on acquisitions I want to create the academy that is the place people

[01:47:20] go that want to learn how to buy businesses build holding companies and grow through M&A um what

[01:47:27] is it called the community cost $8800 okay so it's like nine k as opposed to a couple hundred

[01:47:37] thousand dollars and I think it's just enough where I want people who are really serious and who

[01:47:41] can afford at this stage to buy a business with some cushion for risk because there is risk in

[01:47:47] buying businesses um I don't want it to be free as a community because then you have a bunch of

[01:47:52] people that aren't serious in it but I still want it to be a price point where it's accessible

[01:47:57] to humans and so I think we'll probably go up to 10k for the price point and eventually we'll have

[01:48:02] like a twenty five thousand dollar a year uh done with you service as opposed to do it with us uh

[01:48:09] I'm sorry do it yourself um service but for now I think that's the way to do it and what's

[01:48:15] interesting is like we're still not profitable we spend way more than we then we make I never made money

[01:48:19] on this business because I was so I wanted it to be the best event ever I would hire like chefs to

[01:48:25] come make food like I just I totally get that yeah and if it's a long I want to play long-term games

[01:48:31] with long-term people you know our goal is that literally we're going to help millions of people

[01:48:36] buy small businesses and I think we can do that um and if we do that we'll have a way bigger impact

[01:48:41] than if I just went out and bought them all myself and um that's the goal and then we have a couple

[01:48:46] rules in the group which is like you have to help the next generation of business buyers after

[01:48:51] you've built one or you can't stay in the community you can move on and that's fine you could do

[01:48:54] your next next thing but you can't stay learning from us if you're not going to help the next gen

[01:48:59] um we also at the company have a couple funny rules like we don't allow anybody to use the company

[01:49:04] card for Starbucks uh Walmart or any big corporates you have to to buy from local small businesses

[01:49:11] and then in the community overall if we hear of anybody taking advantage of sellers people who are

[01:49:16] selling their businesses they can't stay in the community um because this isn't a money grab

[01:49:21] from one generation to the other this is you taking over somebody's legacy and so I didn't see

[01:49:27] anybody doing this right and so I thought we should do it ourselves and now we've been pretty

[01:49:31] massively successful with it and like it's been beyond my wildest expectations on the amount

[01:49:36] of businesses bought Cody have you ever gone to high schools and spoken about this stuff because

[01:49:42] if you think about it so okay think about this yeah because I'm so about like where people can

[01:49:48] like correctly influence yeah a lot of people spend money on college like you said

[01:49:54] yep and what the fuck do they come out with yeah debt student debt yep if I was a if I was a parent

[01:50:01] mm-hmm I would want my kid to learn how to do this before they went to college because you're

[01:50:08] also teaching values and ethics too like it's not you know you need to help the next generation

[01:50:12] whatever and it's like I think it would be so powerful to go into school districts and talk

[01:50:17] about this stuff yeah the one one thing I'm really thoughtful about is are you ready our most

[01:50:25] kids ready to be an owner and buy a small business at 18 or 19 years old no but they're

[01:50:31] but I but they're old but they're old but they're old enough to learn the terminology yeah that's

[01:50:35] so that's so that's where that's where I think you should think about it because what I'd like them

[01:50:40] do is apprentice right and I think at that age you should go apprentice with owners and understand

[01:50:45] the terminology and then understand what it takes to own your own business and you get to decide

[01:50:50] because ownership is fucking hard of course like if you can't pay for lease office payroll what

[01:50:57] I mean I mean sleepless nights not everybody wants that game now also means you won't make millions

[01:51:03] probably but I think you're right we need to we need to teach them younger and I probably need some

[01:51:09] sort of a bridge framework for yeah I think you should add that and you can even make it like a

[01:51:14] little bit less to be in an apprentice yeah and you can also like pair people yeah you know what I

[01:51:20] mean like this you know this young person is gonna come learn from you yeah I mean that's so

[01:51:25] much more powerful than going and getting an MBA or whatever from these Ivy League schools or

[01:51:31] you know regular schools where it still costs what 40 50 thousand a year so so yeah that's just

[01:51:37] what I was thinking of for you and you told me that yeah you should take that run with it run with

[01:51:42] it I think we have so many messages that we want to share with the world you obviously have shared

[01:51:47] many today and I've seen you share so many on so many different podcasts your own content

[01:51:54] and it's hard to determine sort of which message is the most powerful to you that you think

[01:52:02] most urgently needs to be shared so I came up with this scenario to help with that

[01:52:08] I'm gonna give you the scenario and hopefully the light bulb will go off so you're at the Oscars

[01:52:17] and you're nominated for let's say a documentary about boring businesses

[01:52:24] and success and they announce all the nominees and it's time to call out the winner

[01:52:32] and it's you and you get up you walk to the stage you think your husband Chris you think

[01:52:42] your parents you think hopefully me I hope we're still friends with everyone who's in your

[01:52:50] circle layla all the people that matter to you who made this possible and believed in your dreams

[01:52:57] and taking you to this point and right after you think everybody there's this 45 second

[01:53:03] to about one minute window where you can say whatever you want

[01:53:09] and it's gonna be recorded put out their youtube reels tick-tock there are going to be headlines

[01:53:17] about it and it's going to be shared more than anything you've ever put out there yourself

[01:53:24] what's your message what message is so important to you that in that moment you would say it

[01:53:31] yeah um

[01:53:36] I think it's uh probably that there's an assault on excellence

[01:53:44] in the world around us today and that the most rebellious thing that you can do

[01:53:52] is to be excellent and you know what excellent means for you you know the bar that you're capable of

[01:54:01] and you get to choose every single day whether you want to hit that bar or not and if you don't

[01:54:06] I want you to imagine what the world looks like and I want you to imagine all of the times that

[01:54:12] you've been at somebody else's mercy maybe because of your own decision making or not

[01:54:17] and do you want to continue to let yourself in society be that way because I think the only way

[01:54:23] it changes it being whatever is going on in this country and in our lives is by you

[01:54:29] taking on excellence as a mantle and typically I think that means doing the extremely hard thing

[01:54:34] getting skin in the game and most people will not do it but just a few more than are doing

[01:54:41] it today would be enough and so starting with your personal excellence is the ultimate rebellion

[01:54:48] I love that okay now we're done yay thank you so much for coming on thank you for having this

[01:54:53] of last