Nicole sits down with content creator and comedian Nicole Arbour. The two discuss Nicole’s career, her highs and lows as a comedian, her guest appearance on “The View”, and the responses to some of her more “controversial” content.
[00:00:00] Nicole Arbour Nicole! Welcome to Beyond. Thanks, girl. You're listening to Beyond With Nicole, hosted by yours truly, Nicole Behnam. This is Season 2, Episode 2 with Nicole Arbour. On this episode of Beyond, we chat about everything from Nicole's career as a comedian
[00:00:17] to her journey with cancel culture, to going on the view, to getting banned from YouTube, her encounters with Candice Owens, her personal relationships, friendships and her plans for the future. Make sure to subscribe and follow along on whatever audio platform you're tuning in on.
[00:00:33] Welcome to another episode of Beyond with Nicole. You have a persona that's out there, you have a persona that's out there that is very different than how you are in real life. And I don't think it's because of the way that you put yourself out there.
[00:01:02] I do feel like you're pretty authentic. I feel like it's a narrative that has been taken, extended and then a lot of people who have you on their podcasts who aren't maybe your friends or they don't know you, they see you and they're like, you know what?
[00:01:20] I'm going to take this girl and I'm going to drag her even more so I can get more hits on my show. After getting to know you, that's what I feel like you've been through. It's not just you, it's a lot of girls.
[00:01:36] But with you in particular, I feel like you've been uncancelable because you don't stop even though I'd imagine that you were pretty hurt during some of that stuff. Oh, 100%. I got to go backwards a bit because just hearing you say that, I'm like, oh my gosh,
[00:02:00] you see me. Cool. That's why we're friends. Dope. It's interesting being in an industry where people create a character of you and then decide that's who you are and then they act to you from that place of this character they created.
[00:02:20] They just keep adding character traits to it as you go and then they make you into this kind of thing and then that's who you are, that group of people. It's an interesting experience for me because the number one comment I get in real life from
[00:02:35] people is like, oh my gosh, you're so nice. Or actually not even or it's like that's what it is. Oh, you're so nice. These people say all these things about you. You're not like that at all. I'm like, that's kind of how gossip works, isn't it?
[00:02:48] We've been taught that since we were kids. That's how gossip works. Gossip isn't sharing good things about people. Gossip is sharing made up stories that you don't even know if it's true with the intent to hurt someone's reputation.
[00:03:03] It's a really interesting experience to hear you say that because it's true. It's true that I've been painted in weird ways and then I might go on a podcast or show
[00:03:11] and they treat me as that character and then use me for views or for whatever it is they think they can get, which usually money from clicks. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's how it works these days. Yeah.
[00:03:23] I know we've talked about this before and I know I can come off as a bit of an asshole when I say this, but I laughed through it and that could be taken the wrong way.
[00:03:32] And I laughed on the view and I laughed, I think, on Candace Owen's show and I laughed in different situations because it's so ridiculous. And I almost feel like I can step back a bit from the human experience and be like, what are we doing here?
[00:03:45] What are we all doing? Why are we hurting each other on purpose for views, for clicks? Is this going to be written about in the history books? Is this really going to be worth it? Charmatically, 10 years from now? What are we doing?
[00:04:01] And then I laugh and then people can misconstrue me laughing as not taking in what they're talking about as a serious topic. Yeah or like not being self aware or something like that. Exactly. Yeah. But yeah let's go back to how it started. Sure. Okay.
[00:04:19] And also like what you went through as a human being because everything that gets put out there is their version of you. Yep. So I want your version of you and what you went through as this was happening. Sure. So it started with the fat people video?
[00:04:39] The first really like, that wasn't my first viral video but that was the first like big blow up worldwide. I mean entire globe was talking about it at the same time. I think we were, it's past 100 million views now. I lost count. It got reshared so much.
[00:04:55] So that was the first really big one. Yeah. And it's funny because look anyone can be like, some people may think it's funny, some people may not and that's fine. Yeah that's fine. That's totally fine.
[00:05:11] But I do remember in particular the interview that you did with the view. How you were treated there. Yep. And then everything after that. So what was your experience from being invited onto the view to how you were
[00:05:29] treated to how it was put out and then your experience going forward? You know I've talked about this a few times but looking back now. It's so wild what they did to me. It's wild. They invited me under the pretense of talking about women in comedy and how
[00:05:49] we're treated unfairly and how men can make the same joke but if a woman makes that same joke she's a bitch and if a guy makes it he's just being funny he's a comedian. Yeah. And that's what I thought I was coming to talk about.
[00:06:00] I'm like what the goal broke? She's a comic, joy whatever. I guess she was comedian. I was coming on to talk about that and I was in the dressing room, happened to turn on my TV in the dressing room and see them running the pre-rolls and
[00:06:14] how they were going to introduce me and saw these super unflattering photos and like the fat shamer and all this stuff and I'm like holy shit. They're about to steamroll me and I didn't have a publicist with me, I didn't have management.
[00:06:27] Nobody was with me because I thought it was a quick little media hit. Go talk about women in comedy by myself and I had the moment of do I just leave?
[00:06:36] Do I just like walk out of here or do I go on and just be me and just see what happens and just kind of stick to it. It's really weird too because the driver, the really nice man that picked me up
[00:06:49] from the hotel and drove me to the show, works for the show, he told me in the car he was like you're too nice to go on this show. We had like a half hour together, maybe a traffic.
[00:06:59] He's like you don't want to do this and I was like yeah I do we're just talking about this and he's like you're a very nice lady and I don't think you want to go on this show.
[00:07:07] He's like I used to drive Rosie Perez and she was in tears daily and she's a very nice woman and I don't think you should do this. I just fluffed him off as like what is this guy talking about?
[00:07:18] It's like if I could see into the future what was happening. Having to trick someone and be so manipulative like that to get them on your show so you can be like we got you. You're a bad person.
[00:07:32] We're going to show the whole world that we think you're a bad person. What the fuck is wrong with you? You know like you're not a woman, you're not a grown woman to have to trick someone into a conversation that you could manipulate in certain ways
[00:07:45] and have pre-rolls and videos set and they manipulated my video. They chopped it. They re-edited my dear fat people video, took all the jokes out of it and then showed that to their audience in the commercial break before I even went on.
[00:07:58] So when you take all the jokes completely out of it and just put all these lines together like whatever it was. Yeah, like obviously it's going to make you look bad. It makes me look really bad and it looks like it was a TED talk about how I
[00:08:09] hate people who are fat and it's like you're lying. You're literally lying. I could take any piece of anything and edit it and make it something brand new as we've seen the media do over and over but they did that and it's so
[00:08:23] shady and then being on that show and realizing what they were trying to do. I was just like, I'm not going to let them harm my spirit. I won't do it. This is not my first time facing bullies and that was like my goal is I'm
[00:08:38] like, I'm going to keep smiling because they want to take my smile. So that's what I'm going to do. They want to make me this like pretty blonde girl, hates other women and it's like no, I've been disabled for seven years.
[00:08:51] This is one of my first adventures out of bed in seven years as being on your show and you don't know that and you wouldn't want to say that because the audience might like me as human.
[00:09:01] And I just decided I'm going to smile through it and let them say what they need to say because it kind of felt like they needed to vent at me. And I knew that they were trying to cover because they had talked shit about nurses the day before.
[00:09:13] So now they needed a villain to, you know, scapegoat on, which turned into me. And I do kind of regret some stuff though, because I find and this is like something I've learned over the years that sometimes I'll laugh when a situation is so ridiculous.
[00:09:31] And I remember Raven Simone being like, you know, how something along the lines of like, how are we supposed to know it's in the food? And my mind goes, bitch, turn it around, turn it around in America.
[00:09:44] It is illegal to have a package of food that doesn't show you every single ingredient, how many calories are in it, your daily intake of calories. Stop putting this shit on somebody else. Nobody else's fault if you're fat when you are an intelligent woman on
[00:09:57] a TV show other than you, you can say there's emotional issues that led to it and whatever. But you know, you're smart enough to turn around a package of food and see what's in it. But instead I laughed.
[00:10:09] And I was like, I would have to just scorch earth all these women right now on their own show and show them that they know they're lying. They know they're lying to their audience. And at the end of the day, it's almost 10 years later.
[00:10:24] And I was fucking right. Like America is more obese now, is the most obese nation in the world. And if they would have listened to the blonde chick trying to warn them 10 years ago in a funny way, there would be people to go in the
[00:10:35] military who could pass the tests. Kids wouldn't be on obesity drugs. Like it's wild that we decided to be offended and lie about it to ourselves. They gaslit their whole audience into thinking that it's okay to do something that's not okay.
[00:10:50] And instead I laughed and like just went through it because I was like, I don't know if it's my place to do this right now. So that was my experience. But when I got off of it, Willpey Goldberg, I remember she was like,
[00:11:03] yeah, I keep going like you're really funny. The second that we cut and took a selfie with me, I was going to ask you what happened when the cameras stopped rolling. Yeah. Willpey took a selfie with me and she told me to keep going. I'm really funny.
[00:11:13] She watched a bunch of my stuff. And I was like, you like fuck you. I had been at her show a couple of weeks earlier, like her stand-up show and half the audience walked out or more because she was so filthy. And it wasn't even like funny.
[00:11:27] It was just like filthy for the sake of being filthy, talking about bodily functions and like whatever. And the audience was grossed out. They thought they were going to see Sister Mary Clarence. Like they didn't expect that from her. And people got up and left.
[00:11:40] Like a lot of people, most people got up and left. And I didn't try and cancel her, you know? So for her as a comic to like do that shit to me, I was like, really bitch?
[00:11:49] But then Sammy Hagar was backstage and he gave me like a huge bear hug. When I walked off, he's like, you're a fucking rock star. He's like, you are a fucking rock star. And I was like, actually you are, but thanks man. Yeah, it was really cool.
[00:12:04] And then things kind of snowballed from there. Like I know that that was their top rated episode of that entire season. And it's just weird that they had to manipulate stories to make something popular and to manipulate their audience like that.
[00:12:20] I just think it's really insulting to the intelligence of their audience to manipulate them like that. You know, right? But I feel like that's how everyone's getting their clicks these days. Oh yeah. And and you know, then I feel like the number one
[00:12:34] most wanted profession among Gen Z right now or even people or even our age. Yeah. Um, is content creator and you were an early YouTuber, YouTuber, you were an early, early content creator. Yeah. And you've been through everything that people would consider a nightmare. It's true.
[00:12:58] You've been through that. Surviving social media by Nicole Arbor. Yeah, actually. And so it's like. If a 19 year old girl came to you. Yep. And said, I want to start as a content creator. I have no filter. Mm hmm.
[00:13:14] I say what I think, you know, I might want to dabble in podcasting or comedy or whatever. What would you warn her about? I'm writing a book about this right now, actually. OK, I'm literally writing a book about it because that's
[00:13:28] something I thought of in the last summer I went. I wish there was a manual because I'm from I was born and raised in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. It is a steel town similar to Detroit. I don't have parents in entertainment. I don't have family members in entertainment.
[00:13:44] I had nobody to warn me about anything or prep me or teach me how to do things. I had to bump along my own way, how to read a contract, how to know what should be in that contract, how to know
[00:13:55] not to go to a meeting at a hotel room, you know, like even those kinds of things, you know, that come up like even, you know, to last year at an event, I was booked at
[00:14:06] an event. I won't say the event, but I go in to my hotel room. I had to be taught this by like Secret Service people. You cannot check me into my hotel room. I will not at any point let an event check me into my hotel
[00:14:18] room and you wouldn't know this unless someone taught it to you. What happens when an event checks you into your hotel room? What did they put in your room? What they put in your room? Who's been in that room? How many keys have been issued for that room?
[00:14:30] Someone could walk in in the middle of the night. Someone could walk in and into your stuff and plant a freaking air tag or while you're on stage. We don't know who has the key to that room. You know how many people work at events?
[00:14:40] We don't know what they're trying to do. I found two cameras and a listening device in my hotel room and I walked in with my girlfriends and I'm quite certain it wasn't the publicist that put a beautiful like welcome bouquet.
[00:14:53] But I walk in and I had told them it's on my rider that I checked myself in, but I walk in and I say to my girlfriend, all right, we're going to learn how to sweep a hotel room. I was taught this by military Secret Service friends.
[00:15:04] This is what we're looking for. This is what it looks like and go. I'm talking, I saw my girls going through the curtains, everything. And I was like, look for this. See this piece of tape? It's all dusty here. Where is there not dust?
[00:15:17] And they're like on that piece of tape. I'm like, let's follow the tape. We follow the tape down. Oh, and there's the camera right there. It had just been placed. It was aimed at my bed. So pulled that one out. And what are these people looking for? Exactly.
[00:15:32] It might be blackmail. So that's like very popular for influencers, influencers, politicians, people in the media, get blackmailed constantly. Maybe they were trying to get me doing a sex tape. Maybe they're trying to get whatever it might be. But they're trying to get something.
[00:15:49] And even last year I had some girl make a ton of TikTok videos pretending that I trashed an Airbnb. And she's doing it to blow her, and we talked about this briefly. She did it to blow herself up on TikTok.
[00:16:03] If my name was not part of those videos, those videos wouldn't do anything. So knowing that, that's desperate as fuck. Get a talent. But knowing that and being aware of that, yes, people especially in certain situations are going to try and use you.
[00:16:21] Not just for your talent or just because you're a woman, but because in using you they can elevate themselves in some way financially, views, clicks, whatever. Yeah, there's a fricking checklist to be ready for. And me giving a couple clips of it is one thing,
[00:16:37] but I'm like, no, I need to make the manual because I feel like I've been through all of it. If not tons of it. I think you've been through more than any single person that I've ever seen go through. Because I looked through your body of work
[00:16:53] before the interview and I'd seen some stuff before. Whether it's the view, ex-boyfriends, Candace Owens. Fake ex-boyfriends, that's a thing too. Fake ex-boyfriends, fake ex-boyfriends. There was an interview with Theo Vaughn that I found interesting because he's a comic and I think he's funny. He is funny.
[00:17:17] And he's really funny. And I watched the interview and it was so serious and I felt like he was trying to take the side that everybody else takes instead of interviewing you and getting your side. The way that he was interviewing you was interesting to me.
[00:17:34] It was weird. And then in the comments, and I wanna get your take on this, there was something mentioned about how, oh, is Nicole Arbor the girl that tried to sue him over the headphones that he was using? So what's that? Yeah, what's that story?
[00:17:51] I wanna flip a table when that gets mentioned. And then I'm like, no, don't have an emotional reaction to that but it's so annoying and so little. So I guess Theo had made a joke a couple episodes after I was on about, yeah,
[00:18:02] I'm getting sued, I had a girl on my podcast and the headphones hurt her head and I'm suing her. I never saw the clip but apparently that's what it says. Without realizing, I was the only female who had ever been on his podcast, ever at that moment.
[00:18:16] So he made this joke. His however millions of fans thought that he's getting sued by, who's the only girl that's been on his podcast, Nicole Arbor suing him for headphones that hurt her head and he never bothered to correct it. And we had a conversation about it
[00:18:29] and like broke, he just like tell people that didn't happen for me please. And he's like, oh yeah, yeah, I will. He never did. He never did. So now it's like, I don't even know how many years later and people still comment that
[00:18:40] like at least weekly on my shit like fuck you for suing Theo Vaughn. I'm like, never happened, never happened. I all tag him sometimes. I'll be like ask Theo Vaughn if that happened and he could correct it, but he doesn't. Yeah, Theo correct it.
[00:18:56] You douche like what the fuck? Yeah. So it's stuff like that that I'm talking about where it's like, it's very clear that in many cases people are running with a narrative because there's a perception of you as a blonde who has no empathy
[00:19:12] and just wants to shame people and stuff like that. And it's like that's who she is. Let me run with that and take the other side of it and drag her so that I can get hit. And it doesn't just happen to you,
[00:19:26] it happens to a lot of people. It's not like- It happens to a lot of people. Yeah, it's like we've decided who the good guys and the villains are and if I hurt the villains then I'm therefore a good guy. And it's like no, you're a bad guy.
[00:19:37] If you are purposefully going out of your way to hurt another human being you are therefore a bad guy. Don't pretend you're some kind of superhero. That's what's interesting about media and social media in the last few years. And politics. And politics. Here's the other thing that's like
[00:19:53] when I first discovered you online before I met you in person, I was like, okay, she's a right wing figure of some sort because well, because what am I supposed to think? It's like I see these videos of you and it's like you're in the Candace Owens crowd
[00:20:11] the Jordan Peterson and I love Jordan Peterson. And so I just got a couple data points and I'm like, okay, that's who she is not knowing the full story. And so obviously you've been on Candace Owens show. Yeah, a couple times. A couple of times.
[00:20:31] And that didn't pan out the way I thought it would either. That was really interesting and I wanna get to that but first I wanna get your take as someone who has dabbled in politics. What has that been like and what have you learned from?
[00:20:49] Because you're not, you're not. I'm just Nicole. Yeah. I am Nicole. And I have no interest in waving the flag of one side or the other until they start being honest. Like I saw yesterday the DNC isn't even allowing for debates this election season.
[00:21:09] People who wanna run against Biden don't even have the opportunity to debate him. You're kidding. And I'm like, no, that was announced yesterday. This is no longer a democracy. That is what the democracy is. And if either side did that, I'd be like, ooh, what in the F?
[00:21:25] What's going on here? And then after being in the political spectrum and that wasn't new for me. Like I was in politics when I was in high school and I was part of this political program and voted into like junior prime minister, Canada and like I loved it
[00:21:40] and I thought I wanted to be a politician and be prime minister of Canada one day. And after being in it and seeing what a popularity game it is and how really it is about people making as much money as possible.
[00:21:53] And I think there's some good apples in there too. I really love Tulsi Gabbard. I really like, I think Dan Crenshaw does have interesting ideas. I do think that like actually a couple of people on both sides have interesting ideas. But then I see, hmm, Nancy Pelosi,
[00:22:09] how is it that you keep knowing what stocks to pick? You know? How do you keep knowing what stocks to pick? And I watched like unusual whales. Do you ever watch that? I think the account. The account? The account and I follow each other on Twitter.
[00:22:23] Yeah, so I follow unusual whales. I'm like, yo, all these politicians keep picking stocks right before they go crazy. That's crooked. The political influencers that I've seen, that I know that I've worked with, they're driven by money. They are no different from Fox or CNN
[00:22:44] as in they are driven by the people who fund them money. They are given a script. They are told what to say, what not to say and you stay within that script and you destroy who we tell you who to destroy the end.
[00:22:54] And I personally have found that the conservative side, they're nasty man. Like the influencers, they will cut each other's throats and they were best friends yesterday. If it means that they're gonna get ahead. Like they're playing their own political game within their sphere.
[00:23:12] And whereas I came in, I was like, I was a Canadian, like let's do the right thing. And like, yeah, we don't all have to fight. I just found that it was like such a weird toxic just sub Hollywood.
[00:23:23] Like it's just a different variation on the same game. And everyone's lying. Everyone on both sides is lying. It's just all a big game. And there's a couple of good guys in it. I love what DeSantis is doing. I think he's freaking cool.
[00:23:38] But I still haven't experienced like one lane. You know, this was wild. When I said that I would have voted for Trump, again, Canadian couldn't vote at all yet. I said that I would have voted for Trump in the last election because I was very well versed
[00:23:54] on what's going on with China. What was going on with China? The way they were buying up the ports. The way they were buying different land in different areas. I could see their long game, their chess game of what they were doing.
[00:24:05] And I knew we needed Trump in there because he had allies. Look what he did with North and South Korea. The way that he could maneuver with Putin. Whether you like his personality or not, he was very good at that large chess game
[00:24:18] or the game of war that we were playing with the whole world. And that's what I said. And because he believed in freedom of speech. And what happened when you said that? People went nuts. You were racist, you're homophobic, you must hate this, this, this.
[00:24:31] And I was just like, no, it's literally none of that. I just said what I see happening. And everything I said was gonna happen has happened since then. And China, man, they're kicking butt at the politics game. They're kicking some serious butt.
[00:24:46] But yeah, people went crazy on me and they didn't care what I actually said. They have their own opinions and own feelings about either side and it's pick a side so I know how to treat you. And that's how both sides were acting.
[00:25:00] But that's why I love Nashville is they don't really care. And I got to sit down with women who I completely disagree with, who are talented, gorgeous women. Where did you meet them? They actually followed me online at first. And we became friends and they worked in entertainment
[00:25:16] too in different ways. But we'll have hard combos. And one of them kept posting all this anti-abortion stuff and like, you're bad, you're a sinner, the stuff. And I had to take her out for lunch and be like, hey, I love you. You're my friend.
[00:25:31] But I know people who have had abortions and they're not horrible baby killers. And I know you pretty well and you sin as well. And I don't think in the Bible they're saying one sin is worse than another.
[00:25:44] So maybe they did it for a reason you don't understand. But I don't think we need to condemn them forever. And I just don't think it's your job to decide that they're a bad person or to treat them like that moving forward.
[00:25:57] And that's literally not what the church is about. And we can have those conversations and then be friends again the next day or later that day. That was the thing that I noticed about you where you said something about like Kanye or anti-Semitism, where like, I'm Jewish.
[00:26:14] Go on. Okay. Yeah. And I didn't like it, but here's where I noticed you were not the bad guy. I think you asked a question. I forgot what it was exactly. And then Matt Balinsky, also Jewish, also a friend of ours, responded to it as a Jew.
[00:26:33] And he was like, here's the difference. And you were like, okay, that makes sense. And you even retweeted it. And I was like, okay, she's not making a definitive decision on anything that's going on. She's genuinely asking a question. And when she gets her answer,
[00:26:52] she goes, okay, that makes sense. Because other people that are in playing this game, they have an answer already. They're not asking so they can get an answer. They're asking so they can pick a fight, stick to their side and get the clicks
[00:27:08] from fighting with the other person. So when I saw that you did that, I was like, okay, she's not an anti-Semite. Yay, thanks. No, but you know what I'm saying? It's like, because it's very easy. And I watch things play out.
[00:27:21] So I don't react the way other people do on the internet about anybody because I've seen this happen so many times. So many times. It's really, I love hearing people observing my behavior. It's really, it's cool. I'm like, I'm part of an experiment.
[00:27:37] But for me, above all, above being a comedian, above being an artist, above being anything, a thought provoker, what everyone would call me, I'm curious and I love learning. And I'm that little science nerd at your school that was the top of the science fair.
[00:27:53] And I love doing social experiments. And you can't be curious and at the same time be stuck to your own answer or your own thoughts. I wanna be curious all the time. So I might be like, hey, this doesn't make sense.
[00:28:06] But then I'm gonna ask, why do you think that? And I'm never stuck to my answer ever unless it's like don't murder people. But I will have the conversation because maybe you're gonna teach me something that I didn't know. And we're in this weird cancel culture thing
[00:28:21] and we're ready to cancel people, but we're not ready to learn. And we can't win that way. And it hasn't worked. And I'm really waiting for this whole thing to just like expire already. It might take a world war for us to realize that other things matter.
[00:28:35] I hope not, but it might. I hope not. Yeah, really hope not. Civil war, World War, whatever. But we really jump down people's throats when they're just trying to learn. And it's just not the way to do it. So I wanna stay curious.
[00:28:49] Like this is my big takeaway from all the times people have tried to cancel me, they've tried to lie about me, whatever it might've been, is I'm still gonna stay curious and you're not gonna take that from me. And if you wanna think that I'm being mean
[00:29:03] because I'm being curious, that's your experience or that's your thought. That's okay, you can have it. I'm not even gonna take it away from you. I'm gonna still stay curious and ask the questions. And yeah, I think that's what like keeps me being me. Yeah, I love that.
[00:29:15] Thanks. You're listening to Beyond With Nicole hosted by yours truly, Nicole Benham. Make sure to subscribe and follow along on whatever audio platform you're tuning in. Yes, you've also helped a lot of people make money and I know that because I know some of these people. Yeah.
[00:29:43] You are an artist, singer, life coach in a way? Yeah, I'm like the go team coach. Yeah, yeah. So explain to me like what we're doing going forward with Nicole Arbor. So it's funny, because I'm having meetings about this today
[00:30:01] and it's funny cause I helped so many other people with their brands and I let my brand slip because I was helping so many other people. And now I'm focusing on myself. I'm like who the FMI and what the F do I stand for?
[00:30:14] And it really is I wanna cheer people to the best life they can have. I don't wanna have fans. I find it weird and awkward. I wanna have a bunch of friends I just haven't met yet and that to me I'm comfortable with that's my team.
[00:30:27] These are my teammates, people who follow me. What do I want from my team? I want them to be happy. I want them to be healthy. I want them to tell the truth. I want them to laugh their asses off and I want them to be financially free
[00:30:39] cause a lot of us aren't taught financial independence. I wasn't taught it like I said. Yeah, nobody taught us. I'm from a blue collar family. I didn't know any of this stuff. So if it comes to like the ERC grant
[00:30:48] and I was one of the first people talking about that, seeing my fans, my go team that follows me get millions of dollars back and I helped them do that. I won. I won the game. And you know if I get to entertain you
[00:31:01] I get to make you laugh. Maybe you're having a crappy day and then I posted something and that was what you needed to hear that day. I win the game. So everything I do is gonna be in the sphere of that. Cartoons that I just I love cartoons.
[00:31:14] Cartoons I was working on yesterday that it's teaching kids these fundamental lessons that I wish I had, but I just didn't have parents who had that language. That's what matters to me. So anybody on the go team as kids they can just put on that cartoon
[00:31:28] and teach all the go team fundamentals to babies. You know like this is the stuff that I wanna do is like now it's big impact time. If you're on my team we all win together the end. That's how it goes. I love that. Thanks, I love it too.
[00:31:42] Another question I wanted to ask because I asked you earlier if you could tell up and coming influencers or people who wanna become content creators what to look out for and all that, what would you tell them? And you answered that. I think now I'm wondering
[00:32:01] if you could go back to the women of the view or even Candace Owens and you could say something to them about the way they made you feel and how you wish they could have operated a little differently, a little better with a little more empathy.
[00:32:20] What would you say to their face? Such a good question, Nicole. I think the first thing I would say is are you okay? Are you okay? Like do you need a hug? Let's have a hug first. They're like the energy is really off.
[00:32:38] You know like I think there's something else going on here and it's not really about me. So let's figure out what this is about because the women on the view weren't actually mad at me. Joy was mad that she's been fighting weight issues her whole life.
[00:32:55] Raven Simone was mad that she's been fighting weight issues her whole life and afterwards came out and had talked about being abused as a child which is why she put on weight and different things and I'm like ah, it wasn't actually about me.
[00:33:07] It would have been a cool conversation to have with that audience. Hey Nicole, you know some people may have been through things that make them put on weight almost like a human armor suit. I learned that at trauma camp
[00:33:21] and I learned it I was like oh my gosh I didn't know that and how would I know unless someone taught me. And also it's like you could see how the dear fat people thing hurt those people after you learned that. Yeah yeah, of course.
[00:33:36] But I also think it was really funny video. It's really good comedy. Had I had that extra piece of information I definitely could have worked that in an interesting way but I didn't have it. So I can't beat myself up for it
[00:33:49] and I kind of think it's silly if people beat me up for what I don't know. It's like slapping a kid in grade three on the wrist because they don't know algebra. It's like oh I didn't know, my bad.
[00:34:00] But I would have loved to have had that conversation with Raven Simone and been like what was that like for you? So to women who are going through that who put on extra weight because of experiencing trauma in their life
[00:34:12] what's a way that we can help those women lose weight in a healthy way and feel safe, be in shape and be healthy and teach that to their kids. So not passing the trauma down. It would have been a game changer if that conversation was just on air
[00:34:29] because then that also shows your side where you have empathy because we didn't see that again. All that was aired was the clips the way they wanted them to see them of the video. Yep. And then you appearing like you don't care.
[00:34:46] And even the episode is edited too. So how cool, this is what I take the stand and I'm like okay cool I see a hole in the market. There's room on beyond. There's room on this show to have real conversations.
[00:35:02] How can I create room for real hard conversations? And I'm like okay well that's what I'm gonna do. That's why I'm like okay how do I solve this problem for younger influencers or other influencers I'm making that book?
[00:35:13] How do I solve the problem for people in chronic pain? I have my pain free by 23 course. How do I solve all these different problems I experience, I try and go out and solve them. And that's I think what we can do.
[00:35:24] So I do think we need to have honest conversations just as much as we need comedy, we need real conversations. And I think Joe Rogan obviously does such a great job with that. Yeah I think he does. So we need I think the female version of that.
[00:35:37] I totally agree. And then what would you go back and say to Candace Owens just because, because you know what she is, I don't even know the word for her. I don't even know the word for her but she- She's hurt. She's hurt.
[00:35:54] Yeah and again she's one of those people that you either feel like she's fighting for you and she's on your side or you look at her and you're just like this woman is evil. So you know she's interesting in that way.
[00:36:09] What would you say to her if she was sitting in front of you if she was here next to you? I wouldn't. This is one of those instances where I would say I'm gonna go play. I don't think anything good would come from that conversation.
[00:36:23] I don't think she's in a place to even understand how to have those kinds of conversations. I think she lives in fight or flight where she knows she only gets attention which she conceit or she values as love from causing problems and hurting people.
[00:36:38] And it doesn't matter who it is, that is her currency. That is how she experiences love from the audience or from people in money and sponsorships is by being cruel to other people. So she has no reason to stop it anytime soon when she's rewarded for the behavior.
[00:36:55] She thinks she's winning. So we're not gonna have that conversation anytime soon and unfortunately what I've seen in life is it's gonna take something really tragic and traumatic in her own personal life for her to maybe see the light that that's not the way to go.
[00:37:10] And I hope, I don't hope that for her but that's what I've seen in life that someone has to have something really traumatic happen to them to snap out of that and be like whoa, maybe money isn't the only thing that matters, maybe fame isn't the only thing
[00:37:24] that matters, oh my gosh, Ebenezer Scrooge. There's gonna have to be three ghosts that go visit that girl for something to happen and that's my thought. Wow, okay so women of the view you'd sit down and have a conversation with because you don't think that deep down
[00:37:40] their intention or their purpose in life is to hurt other people but Candice Owens that's her currency. I think so, yeah, that's my feeling. That's an interesting distinction. Yep, I do, I think the women on the view they're used to having an opinion
[00:37:59] and they stick to it because that's what the show is. I don't think at the end of the day they're all angry, I just don't. Even having Whoopi come up after and be like keep going, you know? That was her little form of showing love
[00:38:10] and encouragement even though I was pissed at the time I'm like heck that's still like her humanity. I haven't seen that in Candice. I think she gets off on hurting people and consistently and it doesn't matter who it is she's gonna hurt you and it's fun for her.
[00:38:27] Yeah, it's unfortunate. I don't feel good saying that out loud but that's what I experienced and it's why I left that side of being in any kind of politics I'm like I don't wanna hurt people. The opposite is my MO.
[00:38:42] I wanna build people up, I want people to win, I get off on seeing people win, I get off on helping people win in a fun healthy way and it's just the opposite of everything I wanna be. So yeah. Okay wow, all right. No, I love that.
[00:38:57] Your face looks a little blown away. No because it's such an interesting distinction I would have thought that you would say the same thing to both of them but the fact that you're able to make a distinction even though, because for me the way that I experienced you
[00:39:13] again I was like right wing, like automatically I put you in a box just because who I saw you align with the moment I saw you on social media and it's funny because the one girl that you had multiple interactions with publicly
[00:39:29] is the one from the conservative side who you would not align with. Not to say that there aren't good and bad people on both sides, there are. But it's just interesting to me, that's why I asked. Yeah, I just, I don't think hurting people
[00:39:47] should be part of anybody's brand and I think that if your brand, every day you have to decide who you're gonna make feel like shit, you gotta take a look in the mirror. Because that's not the way to go, life is fun.
[00:39:59] Go to Jamaica, smoke a joint, seriously. Sit on the beach, have a mango, fuckin' chill, life is good. People do need to have more fun honestly, that's a major takeaway that I'm getting from this. I remember the other thing that just hurt my feelings
[00:40:17] as an observer and I've talked to a lot of women about this. I've talked to you about this when it happened, I messaged you when I saw Patrick Bet David come out, come at you. Hold on though, hold on though. And I just wanna say this because
[00:40:36] I am a fan of some of the stuff that he does. I am and I saw that and I was really disheartened because he came at you and he said, oh you must be 40 and childless or something like that. Something like that, yeah.
[00:40:55] Yeah, I think you put unmarried in there too. Okay, yeah. So what did that make you feel like and as a woman you're in a relationship and you wanna have kids? Yep, I'm doing my fertility stuff right now. There we go, there we go.
[00:41:16] How did that make you feel and knowing that that's gonna happen again and again to all women who are out there publicly, that is one of the number one attacks I've seen. Yes. You're alone, you're childless, you're unmarried. You don't have value. Yeah or you're trans or whatever,
[00:41:35] not that that insult but it's just they will attack you in any way, shape or form that one being the main or you're unattractive, whatever it is. So when that happened, what was going through your head? I have this phrase and it's called,
[00:41:55] poke him or tip him and see what spills out. And he showed himself, that was my first instinct. I'm like there you are, there you are. For a moment he felt challenged and I didn't insult him but he felt challenged. What was the conversation again?
[00:42:12] He was talking about something about Turkey and I knew that he knew Ennis Cantor, the basketball player and maybe he forgot but we had DM'd about that in the past like years ago and I was like yeah something about Turkey,
[00:42:25] ask your buddy Ennis what he thinks about communism. It was very normal and rational of a tweet but obviously he took it some other way. Again with Twitter, the mis- Twitter is the place that happens. Like if I was sitting with you and I was like
[00:42:41] oh yeah ask your friend Sarah what she thinks about communism because I know Sarah came from China. You know like it's like a normal thing to say but his gut instinct was to try and hurt me as a woman
[00:42:53] as much as he could based on what he values of women. So you give him a little shove and see what spills out, that whole phrase is if you squeeze an orange, orange juice is gonna come out. You squeeze a grapefruit, grapefruit juice is gonna come out.
[00:43:09] You squeeze an asshole, a tweet like that's gonna come out. You squeeze a misogynist, a tweet like that's gonna come out. That is what he believes about women. That if you don't have children, if you aren't married in a public relationship
[00:43:23] by the time you're 40 or he thinks you're 40, he got my age wrong too at the time then there's something wrong with you. Did you see that whole thing between Tucker Carlson and Chelsea Handler and all those? Oh yeah I did see that
[00:43:37] and I was just like that was another thing. I was like guys conservatives pipe down because you guys have so many good ideas and really awesome rational things and then you're gonna go with Chelsea Handler about an obvious parody, let's be real. She's doing a parody.
[00:43:52] I don't care if you like her comedy or not, it's irrelevant. She's trolling you and you took the bait and it's such an obvious troll that for you to take the bait you look stupid. And if she doesn't wanna have kids she doesn't have to have kids.
[00:44:07] That's her choice and that's okay and there's women throughout history who couldn't have kids and whatever and actually with Patrick I thought of this too because I am doing fertility treatments and different things and I was like he doesn't know where I'm at.
[00:44:22] He doesn't know if I am married. He doesn't know if I do have kids. I wouldn't put that online necessarily. He doesn't know if I just had a miscarriage or if I was miscarrying a baby at that moment. He doesn't know
[00:44:34] and he just went for what could hurt a woman the most and I lost all respect for him at that moment and he didn't try and fix it. It's not like he went, ooh I should have done that privately DM me and went my bad.
[00:44:45] You know what's interesting? I wonder if you heard you say all these things how it would make him feel. Good question. Because that's the other thing is a lot of times we say things and we were trolling and whatever and he probably thought oh this is gonna get
[00:45:07] a lot of likes. Not considering anything about your situation. He followed it up with a couple other really rude tweets too. Because you get rewarded for that on Twitter. Yeah. But he sat. But you're a grown man. But Nicole, I mean this is the society we've been.
[00:45:23] Very true. You know and so it's funny because I really do think if a lot of these men were sitting on the couch across from you or me or whoever. A woman that they've attacked behind a keyboard. Yeah. Or on a podcast that the other woman
[00:45:41] is not even sitting across from them. Yep. Just talking about. Because of course they're not gonna get pushback. The other side isn't there. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? So I do wonder in a lot of these cases how they would feel and how they would react
[00:45:56] and how they would respond if they did hear your side. Because some men are actually good people and they've been trained to speak that way. Because it rewards them. Other men would double down and push even more. So I agree with your squeeze the orange thing
[00:46:15] but I don't think he's been squeezed enough. Mm, interesting. Meaning there could be some empathy on the other side of that. And I actually would love to personally ask Patrick Bet David about that in particular and also his values when it comes to women
[00:46:33] because a lot of these guys they think, I'm married, I have a daughter, I support women. Yeah. But then what happens when you make comments like that? What happens when your daughter is 40 and unmarried? She ain't shit now? Do you see what I'm saying? Exactly.
[00:46:48] And so it made me think of Jennifer Aniston or Oprah doesn't have kids or all these different women that I think are awesome at what they do and whatever and maybe they can't have kids or whatever it is. Or they didn't want to.
[00:46:58] Or they didn't want to, yeah. And I've always wanted to adopt too. Since I was a kid, I've always been like, I want to adopt at least one kid. How cool is it that I could just take someone out of a horrible situation and bring them
[00:47:11] into a family? Yeah. That to me is wild. I've always wanted to do that. On that note though, I kind of want to say something because I know you're going to V Fest. V Con. V Con, sorry. V Con, V Con. My bad, my bad.
[00:47:28] I need to say this because I think it needs to be said into the world about Gary Vee. I don't follow him on social media. I don't think he follows me. Years ago, I reached out to him and told him about someone he had an association with
[00:47:44] that I had a really horrible experience with. Like as a woman, it was a really bad experience. And I did it privately. And without a second thought, he removed himself and apologized and he said something else about it. And in my entire career,
[00:48:02] the span of my whole career, I've never experienced that. Like it was just such a classy. That was wrong. That shouldn't have happened. I believe you chopped off. And it wasn't like a weird interaction. Like he thought there was some me too or anything.
[00:48:20] It wasn't like that kind of thing. It was just like, oh my gosh, I didn't mean to ignore that message or ignore the situation. You're right. Gone. And it was just whether I work with him in the future, whether I don't, whether I whatever,
[00:48:36] I just thought it was such a classy move. And it was private. And I never told anybody about it until right now. And I'm sure he didn't tell people about it. And I just, I really, really value him as a man in this industry.
[00:48:52] Kind of like as a contrast to kind of what I experienced with Patrick online. It was just so classy that I was like, yeah, there's good guys out there. There are. I think Gary V is one of the most powerful,
[00:49:08] empathetic, kindest men that we've ever seen rise to fame the way that he has and build businesses the way that he has and extend opportunities to others the way that he has and the way that he empathized with you. I think he genuinely cares about people.
[00:49:29] I mean, when you watch that man in any video, I've literally been brought to tears from Gary V's videos. Good. Like that man, it doesn't matter if there are other celebrities around, more important people. When he's talking to someone one-on-one and they're pouring out their soul to him,
[00:49:47] he's right there. Yeah. He's just right there. And that's something that I love about, like I'm honored to be speaking at Vicon. That's amazing. I'm excited for you. I mean, just hearing that story from you about Gary. Like we go ahead. Yeah, he's next level.
[00:50:01] I mean, both experienced not awesome things. Like, and I think all women do like all of us going through the ranks and it still is a man's industry and all these different industries were in. And I wasn't following Gary. He wasn't following me.
[00:50:17] I actually think I was a bit standoffish with him for years, even though we're in the same spheres, just cause I saw him kind of associated with a couple of sketchy people and I didn't know how deep that association went. I think we're all unconsciously associated
[00:50:30] with some sketchy people because we just don't know. There's too many moving parts. Exactly. Wait, by the way, I'm not saying he's sketchy at all because I also have done clubhouse stuff with him, but I saw you speak at Grant Cardone's event. Yes, at 10X.
[00:50:46] You have a relationship with them and you've spoken highly of them. What are they like? I got it. You know, this is in the same vein of let's build some people up. I don't give a fuck what anybody says about the Cardones.
[00:51:00] I will back them because my experience, specifically as a woman, has been so good working with them. I felt so comfortable, safe, protected, valued from the moment I stepped into their events every single time that they are huge giant security guards
[00:51:18] that are in suits are just very classy and door opening and very southern almost in their hospitality. That there isn't even a moment where I'm like, oh, someone's gonna try and get someone drunk and do this or anyone's doing anything shady. That their value system is so strong
[00:51:34] that you don't have to worry about anything when you're around them because no one sketchy is around them and if they are, they would be removed instantly. And Dave who works with them too is a friend of mine now and I was out with him just in Miami
[00:51:50] and we were just walking in. I know I'm safe with that man. Even when- Which Dave? Dave Roe Bartz, I'm gonna say his last name wrong. I don't know. He's like Grant's left hand man on the right is one and on the left is him.
[00:52:03] And I just know I'm safe with that man because he's part of 10X and I feel that way about everybody who's part of 10X. And whether I speak on one of their stages again or I just keep on cheering, I will keep cheering for them
[00:52:15] because there is a value system that's so strong and I've learned so much from Elena Cardone, so much. And her book, Build an Empire or How to Build an Empire, I think all women should get it and it's not always the easiest lessons.
[00:52:28] Some of them are gonna piss you off, but they're true. And all these women walking around being like, oh, I want a king, I want a this, I want a that. It's like, are you acting like a queen? Are you? You want to attract this kind of partner
[00:52:41] but how are you acting to be getting that? I didn't know she had a book but I do like the way she carries herself I do remember when you and I first met, you did mention something to me and asked me if I wanted to speak there
[00:52:55] and I should have taken it. Oh, like 10X ladies, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, I wanted to refer you, I think on the first one and I spoke at it and I spoke at another one, a bunch of events and stuff and it's always been fun
[00:53:07] but yeah, the world needs more Elena Cardones and I think she is a really cool lane for what she's doing for women and showing that you can have a powerful relationship where you're both playing your own role, excuse me, staying in your lane, her kids are fricking awesome.
[00:53:24] Yeah, they might have a religion that other people don't, they are Scientologists and some people are like, that's weird and I'm like maybe your religion's weird. Like, yeah, that's silly to judge someone based on that. They've been nothing but like awesome to me
[00:53:37] and they're the kind of people that I've, and this is the difference, okay, with someone like maybe Patrick that I've seen something like with Elena or with Grant that I didn't agree with and I just picked up my phone and sent a message and it was a conversation.
[00:53:53] It wasn't an FU, there was no you're wrong, there was no whatever, it's hmm, I value you saying that to me, thank you, where do you see that that's out of alignment with my value system? Because you know my value system and I say this, this, this,
[00:54:07] just from what I know of you doesn't seem to be right and it's like you're right, I'm gonna have a conversation with these people about that and if she said the same thing to me, done. And she's like lit some fires under my butt
[00:54:18] and she was right and something else I really learned from her book that I thought was really cool is about protecting your empire and that's what I had to learn at trauma camp is I let all these people in and they will destroy your shit from the inside
[00:54:32] and you told that to me the other day. Yeah, and I got that initially from Elena and when you let everybody in, shit's gonna go wrong. You have to be very specific about who you let close to you and then protect it, protect what you're building
[00:54:45] and it's not being cruel to not let everybody close to you. It's actually being good to yourself and to your future children and your empire and your family and everyone that you support and help and even like the go team. Like if I'm involved in some random scandal
[00:54:59] because I let some loser around me cause I was trying to be nice, that's on me. That's nobody else's fault and I let every single other person down that bought my course or did whatever that they were happy and proud to be associated
[00:55:12] with what we're doing and creating and I upset all of them, it's not worth it and that'd be my fault. So now I really take those lessons and every time I haven't taken those lessons that should happen. Trust me, I feel that. Okay, last question.
[00:55:30] I ask this to everybody. So often in life we have so many lessons that we learn over time as we've discussed here, same thing with you but it's hard to put in order which of those lessons we feel like is the most important
[00:55:46] or most urgently needs to be shared. So I came up with this scenario and I'll give it to you in a second but it helps you sort of figure out which one is the one that you'd go with that you wanna share. So here's the scenario.
[00:56:01] You are at the Oscars because you're nominated for let's say a documentary about cancel culture. Sure, sure, yeah, yeah. So that's your project, you're nominated. The irony of that winning is wonderful. I know right? Yeah, yeah. It's just, it's a good fantasy.
[00:56:25] So they call out the names of the nominees and it's time to announce the winner. They announce the winner and it's you. You walk up to the stage, you thank everybody that you need to thank. Your family, your friends, your husband, your kids. Yeah.
[00:56:45] You thank Candice Owens for the hurdle and the lessons. A. A. And then there's that 45 seconds to about a minute where you can say whatever you want and there will be headlines, there will be YouTube videos, there will be clips shared all over TikTok and all over Instagram.
[00:57:07] Okay. And yeah, you can say whatever you want. What are you gonna say in that minute? Every time I thought it was over, it was just starting. Every time you think it's the end, it's the beginning of the next chapter,
[00:57:22] which is getting you closer to that big awesome finish. Every hero's story has a whole bunch of bullshit and without that the story is really boring. So if every time the bad stuff happens, you give up or you quit,
[00:57:35] you just made your own movie, your life's movie, suck. Keep going. You are the hero of this story and we all know how these hero stories end and you're gonna win, but not if you don't keep going. That's basically it. And by the way, go team.
[00:57:51] Wow, that was so powerful. Cool. I felt like you were talking right at me. I probably was. Yeah. I don't even need that 45 seconds. It really is. No, it was that simple. Oh, it's every time. Nicole, every time I thought I was done,
[00:58:09] it was the beginning of a new chapter, which is where I'm at right now, which is so cool. I love that. I can't wait to see. Thanks. The rest of it. Yeah, go team. All right, cool. Nicole Arbor, thank you for coming on. This was great.
[00:58:20] Thanks for having me. Yeah. Thank you for listening to Beyond With Nicole. Catch us on Instagram at beyondwithnacole and don't forget to follow our other Instagram page at beyond the interview where we discuss tweets on trending insights, perspectives, and culturally relevant news.